Rules of the Road.

As an avid driver and traveler, I’ve noticed an increasing trend that is becoming very disturbing. On freeways/expressways, people are getting in the left lane and staying there.

How rude!

This is how it works. You drive in the RIGHT lane, and you pass in the LEFT lane. After you’re done passing, you move back to the RIGHT lane.

Isn’t it simple? Keep Right. Pass Left.

A couple of rules everyone should consider:

1. Loud stereos do not exempt you from the rules of the road. And vibrating license plates makes your stereo sound cheap.

2. Reclining the seat so far back that you have to prop your neck up with the headrest to see out the windshield is also a sure signal to those around you that you’re on your way to Wal*Mart (“Always White Trash, Always”). It also makes you look like an asshat, even though you think you’re da bomb.

3. Talking on a cell phone does not exempt you from anything on the road, even though you’re apparently exempt from good taste and good judgment.

4. Whipping down an interstate in the left lane while applying makeup or shaving is not smart. (As an aside, I hate it when one person is doing both of these. It’s unnerving.)

5. Neither is back handing the unruly rugrats or distributing McBomb Hamburgers.

6. If you encourage those around you to “honk if you love Jesus”, flipping the bird is not a good response to those beeping.

7. Honking If You Love Jesus is dumb. Prayers do not need horns for punctuation.

8. And my favorite – the bigger the SUV, the smaller the dick. (My favorite bumper sticker of all time: “Soldiers are dying in their Hummers so you can play soldier in yours.”)

Please remember, drive on the RIGHT, pass on the LEFT. Thank you.