Life Is Such A Sweet Insanity.

Even though it was Saturday, I had to go into work for an hour or two today. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.

Anyways, yesterday I became determined that I would start riding my bike into work again. I’ve sort of been off track on my cycling this year, having only gone on a handful of rides. The spring weather has not been cooperative in the cycling department, however, the last couple of weeks have provided ample opportunity with temperatures in the mid to upper 70s. I’ve just been lazy.

Mr. Weatherman predicted that today would be more of the same, mostly sunny with a high around 80. Perfect! Mother Nature is cooperating with my plan for a change. When I woke up this morning, I found that it was mostly cloudy and there was a good bunch of wind coming out of the west. The clouds were building and one just knew that there would be rain within the next six hours.

Now normally I would have taken this opportunity to completely wimp out and come up with a million excuses. “I can’t find my rain gear.” “My chain will get rusty.” “The bike will be a mess.” “I’ll melt in the rain.” I think I’ve only ridden in the rain once. But this morning I decided that I just didn’t care. I was going to ride my bike regardless of the weather, and if a tornado funnel came along, I’d welcome the extra ‘lift’.

The ride to work went along beautifully. With that stiff wind at my back, I made it the office in record time. I did my thing at work, which took only a half of an hour or so, and then noticed that it had started sprinkling a bit. I futzed around a little more, hoping the little shower would pass, but after another 15 minutes or so, it just wasn’t going to let up.

So I hit the road home.

Within two blocks, I was pretty wet. But I have to admit that I absolutely loved every inch of that ride home. I got muddy. I got wet. My chain squeaked. My gears meshed oddly. My legs squeaked. But I survived it. The bike survived it. It started raining steadily about a third of the way home, but let up just before I hit the driveway. I didn’t care. I didn’t melt. Doom and gloom didn’t descend upon me. It was wonderful.

Bring on the tornado!

Growing up, I always wondered what it would be like to live a “life of splendor”. To be like the “rich kids” and live in town, rather than out in the middle of farmland. I grew up in a lower to middle class family. My Dad was the bread winner, working hard at the family owned hardware store. Mom stayed home with us kids… she didn’t work until I was a freshman in high school, and then it was only part time in our school district. We didn’t have a lot, but we pretty much had everything we needed. We didn’t live in the laps of luxury, by any means, but there we had some special things. Dad owned a two-seat airplane that we would go flying in on the weekends. We’d fly to neighboring airports for a fly-in (usually fundraising) breakfast, shoot the breeze with the other pilots and their sons, and then fly back home. That was pretty cool.

The four of us would go for Sunday drives around the area, just enjoying the scenery and the conversation. We didn’t need an SUV. We didn’t need a DVD player to entertain us. There was no portable Nintendo or Game Boy. Dad would drive us around in the 1978 Impala and he tried to “lose” me by navigating through the more rural areas, making lots of lefts and rights and then he’d ask me to navigate us back home. I don’t think there was a time I couldn’t get us back home.

When I was in the fourth grade, we moved to a new house that had been built by my father. The house was situated on 10 acres of land, and my parents, not knowing what to do with the imaginative mess they had of a son, pretty much let me loose in the woods behind the house. I imagined those woods to be everything and anything – a city that made New York look like a two stoplight town (complete with street signs). An enchanted forest in a faraway land full of magical beings. Somehow I always imagined myself as a nose twitching warlock. Or Wonder Woman’s long lost brother fighting a group of bad guys that landed their flying saucer on the railroad tracks that ran through our property. What was a really a tree could be a skyscraper that became a school bus that turned into a pier that I jumped off of with my bionic legs. Gosh, I was weird.

Looking back on it today, I guess it wasn’t so bad. We didn’t have a lot, but we loved what we had. Anyways, those rich kids in town ended up maladjusted and their parents were just nasty.

So when I’m looking at that newest item up for bid on ebay or when I’m eyeballing a G5 PowerBook, maybe I should just slow down and appreciate and enjoy what Earl and I have. I guess life isn’t about what you could have, it’s about what you do have.

I made a family decision tonight, without discussing it with the rest of the family. Honestly, I don’t think Tom could give two hoots about my decisions as long as he has kitty kibble in his bowl twice a day, but Earl might care when I’m spending family funds. Let’s see how he reacts when he gets home from Tennessee!

I look at it this way. We have a beautiful entertainment system that we purchased new when we bought the house. It includes a plasma high-definition television. Unfortunately, we weren’t subscribing to any high-def cable channels. Instead we were shlepping it with boring reruns (I like to call them shitcoms) on the networks. So I went ahead and upgraded from the “digital basic” cable plan to the “ultimate pak”, which basically activated every channel known to man. After two calls to Adelphia (they of course deactivated my account on the first attempt, so I had to call again and get it fixed), we were fired up and ready to go.

So the first channel I switched to had a rerun of Jerry Springer on it. O.k. I know that Jerry Springer strives to be shocking, but is he really aiming for revolting? I’m innocently turning the channels and there was a woman running across the stage, naked, except that she had slabs of beef duct taped to her body. And to make the scene more pretty, she was built like a slab of beef.

Now I believe that the human body is a wonderful vehicle for the beautiful soul in each of us. But to run across a stage on television with slabs of beef taped to your “vehicle” is just plain nuts. Apparently, Miss Meat liked having sex with her table scraps, in case you’re wondering.

Then I flipped around again, finishing up a rerun of “Sabrina: The Teenage Witch” (like the show, but it’s no “Bewitched) and then ended up settling on Queer Eye For The Straight Guy – in high-def. I thought I would never admit this, but I am starting to really get into Queer Eye. I’m starting to feel the Queer Eye vibe. I wish I was straight so I could sign up and get made over. I guess I’ll have to watch the tips from the sidelines. And I know everyone drools over Kyan (the grooming guy), but I have to admit I find Ted a cute nerd, and I thought I’d never admit this but Carson has his own certain charm that anyone could love.

So when Earl gets home and decides to flip around the channels, he’s going to get a little shock when every single channel comes in instead of saying “Access Denied”.

I hope he doesn’t mind the woman with the beef kick.

Today marked the first day back to work after our wonderful vacation in the Midwest. In typical jpnearl&copy fashion, Earl headed off to far off lands (North Carolina and Tennessee) for work, while I returned to my position as Chief Shrill at the radio station and advertising agency.

Actually, I don’t do my place in the office hierarchy justice by calling it Chief Shrill. I’m the “Director of Operations”. Whatever the hell that means. I’ve heard that I’m second in command. But in reality, I guess I just do everything that other people won’t do.

To celebrate my first day after vacation, I did try something new at work today. I got drunk at lunch. I’ve never been drunk at work before and I must admit that it did make the afternoon hum right by.

Outback Steakhouse is opening in our area tonight. To get us to push the opening on the radio (and other media outlets), Outback had a “media luncheon” where they gave us lots of food and alcohol. I went along with the sales manager and an account executive. I was the “programming representative” of the company. I just went along for the free food. Two glasses of wine and a vodka slushee later, I was back at the office buzzing through my desk throwing away unread mail that had accumulated during my vacation. So what if it was a press release from the governor. It happened last week, it’s yesterday’s news. Get a budget together, Mr. Governor, then we’ll talk.

I rarely drink. I’ve mentioned that after one glass of wine at Olive Garden, I’m dancing with the waitress, flirting with the bartender, calling Earl “Mr. Manwich” (because he’s more than a meal) and complimenting the Italian woman in the next booth on her pretty mustache. So I was just plain giddy after TWO glasses of wine and a vodka slushee. It was a wonderful way to ease into the routine.

I suppose I’ll have to be more serious about it all tomorrow.

Nah.

We are on our way home. We are getting on the Indiana Toll Road as I type on my cell phone. It’s been a gln a gl

—

Mobile Email from a Cingular Wireless Customer http://www.cingular.com

As Earl and I have toured around the midwest, I can’t help but notice that I am better suited for the Central Time Zone. I know that’s somewhat of a crazy statement, as time is just a perception, but I seem to function must better under CDT.

The network television shows start at 7:00 instead of 8:00. That’s cool. Now I know that I don’t have any interest in the crap that’s on earlier in the evening, so I have plenty of time to find something else to do.

Leno and Letterman are on at 10:35. I haven’t watched Leno or Letterman in YEARS. They’re on way too friggin’ late in the Eastern Time Zone. You know, they might be onto something with that interviewing schtick they’ve got going on.

Breakfast just tastes better at 8:00 Central Time. Don’t ask me why, it just does.

We’ve stopped for the night in South Bend, Indiana. Just a few miles to the north time is an hour ahead of us in Michigan. And tomorrow, we’ll be crossing back into Eastern Daylight Time at the Ohio border. Am I sad because our vacation is coming to an end tomorrow? Not really, as I feel totally refreshed from the trip and feel like I can take on the world again. I’m sad because we’re going to be back in the Eastern Time Zone. The pace will be faster, I won’t see Letterman or Leno and I’ll settle for the crap on television because it’ll be too late to find something else to do.

After lots and lots of driving, we have arrived at this evening’s destination, downtown Des Moines, Iowa. It seems that there’s a pork convention in town this weekend (which brings strange images to the imaginative mind), so it took a bit of begging to get a hotel room. At the second hotel we stopped at (which was just full of pork apparently), the desk clerk pretended to be Mrs. Cochran and called eight hotels demanding a room for us; so we finally settled in at the Savery Hotel. It’s a tiny room, but it’s adequate for the night.

We haven’t seen any serious storms today, but they’re promising some fun for tomorrow. Earl has agreed to “hover” in Central Iowa and western Illinois to watch for the storms they’re predicting for tomorrow. We’ll probably only get as far as Joliet, but we’ll still be home by Saturday night.

Today we hit quite a few states – Kansas, Missouri, Iowa, Nebraska and then back into Iowa. We didn’t really need to go into Nebraska, but because we were skirting the border along Interstate 29, we took the extra 20 minutes and drove through Omaha. Yay! Another state for the map. I’ve added my last new state (Nebraska) for this trip, and Earl did the same with Iowa.

Kansas City was a bit hectic… I wish my cousin Becky still lived there so we could have visited with her. We haven’t seen her in a long time.

Now we’re going to settle in for the night… room service just arrived. Time to get the tummy full!

Looks like it’s going to fun ride home tonight and tomorrow!

From the National Weather Center…

THERE IS A RISK OF SIGNIFICANT SEVERE THUNDERSTORMS FRIDAY. THE MAIN

THREAT FROM THE STORMS WILL BE TORNADOES…TWO INCH HAIL…AND

STRAIGHT LINE WIND GUSTS AROUND 80 MPH. AT THIS TIME THERE REMAINS

SOME UNCERTAINTY IN THE TIMING AND PLACEMENT OF THE GREATEST RISK

AREA. INDICATIONS ARE THAT THE MAIN THREAT FOR SEVERE STORMS WILL BE

ALL AREAS NORTH OF HIGHWAY 34 LOCATED IN SOUTHERN IOWA. THERE IS A

LOW RISK OF SEVERE THUNDERSTORMS BEFORE NOON OVER AREAS NORTH OF

INTERSTATE 80. THUNDERSTORM CHANCES WILL INCREASE DURING THE

AFTERNOON OVER ALL AREAS WITH THE HIGHEST RISK FOR SEVERE

THUNDERSTORMS…INCLUDING TORNADOES…FROM 3 PM TO 10 PM. EMERGENCY

MANAGEMENT PERSONNEL ARE ADVISED TO MONITOR LATER FORECASTS FOR

UPDATES ON THIS POTENTIAL SEVERE WEATHER EPISODE. ADDITIONAL

SEVERE THUNDERSTORMS ARE POSSIBLE SATURDAY NIGHT AND EARLY SUNDAY

OVER SOUTHWEST IOWA…SOUTH OF A LINE FROM DENISON TO OTTUMWA. THE

MAIN THREAT FROM THESE STORMS WILL BE DAMAGING STRAIGHT LINE

WINDS.

Before I get started with my latest witty dialog, I thought I’d share this with you…

create your own personalized map of the USA

or write about it on the open travel guide

The red states are the states we have been in. To qualify, we have to actually drive in the state, airport lay-overs don’t count.

Anyways, we got up this morning, skipped breakfast and hit the long, flat road. We followed one of the road trips in our “Great Plains” travel guide (no home should be without one) and enjoyed the sites of Central Kansas. Granted, it was raining but the countryside was still beautiful.

We stopped at an old, late 1800s type restaurant in Council Grove called “The Hays House” and had a wonderful lunch. Complete with dessert – Earl had a peach dumpling and I had strawberry pie on homemade crust. Out of this world. I asked Earl how to make a crust for a pie, since I’ve promised that I’m going to cook much more when I get home, and he said to pick up the crust at the grocery store. If I’m going to cook more, I’m doing it from scratch. He rolled his eyes. He won’t be rolling his eyes when I make a homemade pie complete with homemade crust!

But I digress.

After Council Grove we continued north to Junction City, toured around the downtown a bit before hitting the interstates (70 and then 135) and heading back to Wichita. The rain had slowed down to a drizzle, but not enough for us to walk around Wichita, so we opted for a movie instead. We went and saw the third Harry Potter movie (which was quite good) at a local theatre chain called Warren Theatres. This theatre was the best theatre I have been in my adult life. First of all, it wasn’t expensive ($7.00/person – vs $8.50 at home), refreshments were cheap ($14.00 for both us, usually its $22) and the theatres were beautiful. Art deco design, carpeted, NO COMMERCIALS and just a typically friendly midwest atmosphere. There’s even a sitting room complete with fireplace, theatres with a balcony that are for adults only, and theatres with “crying rooms” where moms can take their unhappy kids and still watch the movie while not disturbing the rest of the crowd. There’s even a diner in the theatre. Two thumbs up for Warren Theatres.

After the movie we went to a local diner for some meatloaf and mashed potatoes. We had a very chatty waitress who seemed like she wanted to be our best friend.

Tomorrow morning we are going to hit the road and start heading east. I think we’re going to take the round-about way on the way home. We haven’t decided if we’re going up to Iowa and over I-80 or to Kansas City and by way of St. Louis and Indianapolis on I-70. Maybe we’ll flip a coin when we leave to decide.

Earl and I left Oklahoma City this morning and headed for our next destination on our Americana Tour, Wichita, Kansas.

After another great buffet breakfast at Embassy Suites, we hit the road, opting for two-lane U.S. highways instead of the interstates. We headed northeast from Oklahoma City to U.S. 81, where we turned north and drove through the plains and lots of lots of fields of wheat. We stopped in Medford, Okla. for gas and a potty break – we thought about buying some subs for lunch, but the entire gas station/diner came to a grinding halt when we walked in, as everyone looked at us like we just parallel parked a flying saucer. I think the N.Y. tags scare people as they automatically assume that we are from the city of New York. Of course, we live nowhere near NYC, but people think “New York” means “New York City”, so there you are. I feel like telling them, no we are not going to mug you, and no we did not see the airplanes hit the World Trade Towers on September 11.

So then we continued onto Wellington, Kansas and opted for Sonic. We love Sonic. I dare say that Sonic has pulled ahead of Chick-Fil-A as my favorite fast food establishment.

Earl seemed to be getting bored with the prairie and the wheat, so I jumped on the Kansas Turnpike and finished the drive to Wichita, arriving at our hotel at 3 p.m. The area here is kind of weird. All the residential areas around the hotel seem to be behind these brick walls. Everything is a gated community. Honestly, it initially struck me as somewhat snobby. We’ll have to do a little more investigating.

For supper we headed to Old Town Wichita and ate at the Larkspur. Very tasty. Highly recommended. Old Town seemed a little downtrodden on a Tuesday night, so we walked around a bit and then headed back to the hotel.

Tomorrow were debating on going on a road tour of Central Kansas or changing plans completely and heading off to another destination. I love the adventure!