Ponderings and Musings

The night owl is calling it a night. After getting only six hours sleep in the past two days due to work responsibilities, I’m going to try to catch a few z’s tonight.

I’m closing the PowerBook and then closing my eyes.

Sweet dreams.

I’m feeling rather anti-social today. It’s a feeling that’s been bubbling about my psyche for the past several days and now I think it’s coming to full steam. I’m not mad at the world, I’m not depressed, I’m not anti-people; I’m just not in the mood to deal with others right now.

Curiously and thankfully, Earl does not fit into the anti-social equation. I have my own little world that I like to live in sometimes and Earl fits nicely into it. Aside from family members, a couple of friends and a few co-workers, not many people are allowed to look inside my own little world, probably because I’m basically a loner. In kindergarten, my teacher Mrs. Mosher (her philosophy was “no child is really different from any other child”) had two things to say about me: I’m a loner and I was probably developmentally disabled.

Well, she was correct on one account. I am a loner. I enjoy being by myself, without intrusion from ringing telephones, flashing lights, radios, IMs or uninvited voices. As far as being developmentally disabled, well, Mrs. Mosher just didn’t “get” me. I didn’t color in the lines. (Who has time for that? While color when you can create three dimensional objects by folding the paper?) I didn’t fold my papers neatly and put them into my book bag (Like my mother had never seen a worksheet with the numbers 1 through 10 on them before.) and I couldn’t tie my shoes (when a good looking classmate named Robbie is sitting in the next chair and is willing to tie my shoes for me, well, you figure it out.) Nevertheless, I passed kindergarten and I pretty much aced the rest of elementary school. It’s because my other early years teachers, Miss Kania, Mrs. Hayden (especially) and Mrs. Delaney, they all “got” me. They left me alone to do my own thing. They challenged me. Mrs. Hayden really got me because she forbad all the other kids in the class to run the Bell & Howell movie projector, leaving me the chosen one for the task. Neener. Neener. Neener.

I mentioned a couple of days ago that I’ve been busy building a little Media Center for our great room. The project has been frustrating because I’ve been trying to use Windows on the computer I built. It’s just not fitting into my grand scheme. I’m coming very close to obsessing on this Media Center. As I’m on call this week, if I’m not sleeping or cowering in fear of my pager going off, I’m thinking about this computer in the basement that I’ve named “scrambler” (named to fit its Windows-like personality and to fit within my computer network naming convention, others are trabant, tempest, tagada, himalaya; the little computer is called “merry-mixer”, its eventually going to be in the kitchen.).

Earl has such patience.

I’m thinking of getting rid of my Flickr account. I’m still going to post pictures on the blog from time to time and use my .Mac account to display little photo albums as well, but I’m thinking of jumping off the Flickr bandwagon for a while. I’m getting too many creepy messages e-mailed to me.

Any other Flickr users have the same issues?

Today marks the day of a new height in American Absurdity. I heard a commercial on the radio for a product called “Height Max”. Apparently aimed at short people, this product is a supplement you take if you’re between the ages of 15 and 25 and feel short. It’s packed with vitamins and amino acids and will help you strive for that height that you’ve always dreamed of. No longer will you be the short guy at the prom having to look up to your dance partner. The members of the basketball team will no longer laugh at you. Guys on the beach will no longer kick sand in your face and say “Back on the shrimp boat, shrimp.” With Height Max, you simply take this non-prescription supplement and faster than you can make a bionic ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch noise, your body will grow to its fullest potential.

Something sounds very unnatural about the whole thing.

“I was concerned about my 15 year old son. He seemed small for his age. But his confidence was restored and his self-esteem improved after taking Height Max. Why, he’s towering over me now!”

Give me a bleepin’* break.

I suspect this is the beginnings of social engineering where we start to weed out the less desirables. Too short? Take Height Max. Don’t like your dark hair? Color it. Don’t like your dark skin? Bleach it. Where does it all end?

A recent snapshot of me on Flickr showed a white streak I have in my mustache. In fact, it’s prominent enough that someone put a Flickr note on it that said “white?” From afar it may look like a boogie hanging out of my nose. But it’s not (or its not snot), it’s just a white streak I have in my mustache. It’s like Bonnie Raitt’s white streak in her hair. I wear it with pride. I’ve earned in. Why would I want to get rid of it? It’s part of me.

There are tall people, there are short people, there are those of us in between. Don’t take some crazy supplement to grow taller than you were intended to be. That’s crazy. Embrace who you are and deal with the hand you’ve been dealt.

* It’s not really a New Year’s resolution per se, but since I let out a few expletives at a recent party and scared away half the people at the dining room table, I’ve decided to calm down on the f-bombs.

2005 Fades Away.

Originally uploaded by macwarriorny.

Earl and I are playing it low key this weekend as we say goodbye to 2005 and usher in the New Year. I don’t know who is dropping the ball with Dick Clark this year, but I certainly hope they don’t make a big spectacle of Mr. Clark and inadvertently tarnish his reputation as the eternal teenager.

Looking back at 2005 I could get all mushy and talk about what this year has meant to me, but then you would get bored and most likely make “blah, blah, blah” movements with your hand and I don’t really want to be known as the guy that bored you for your New Year’s Eve.

I mentioned a couple of days ago that I don’t really have some “Resolution Revolution” planned form myself like I’ve done in years past. I do have goals which are just little niggly things that I’ve been thinking about, but overall I’m quite happy with who I am, where I am and what I’m doing.

For the first time in 37 years of life on this planet, I am comfortable with my place in this world and I’m just going to continue to do what I do. And that’s be myself.

May everyone find peace this New Year’s, have a rip roarin’ good time with friends and loved ones and find 2006 full of life, love and happiness.

Here it is, the tip of the New Year’s weekend celebration and Earl and I have a clean slate ahead of us in the fun and games department. There’s a family party tonight and then it’s pure rest and relaxation for three days before we’re back to work on Tuesday.

Pure bliss.

We’re going to catch up on some movies we haven’t seen, take some pictures, eat a bit and a bit more and just take it easy.

Life has been chaotic lately. It’ll be nice to slow down for a bit.

Speed.

Originally uploaded by macwarriorny.

For the past two days I’ve commuted back and forth to my company’s Syracuse office for training. Next month our two tech support groups (one telecommunications, the other internet) combine into one facility and one big happy family. Luckily, the move is into our building, so it won’t change my commuting habits one iota. And added plus is that the internet group moving in with us is a great group of people and I’m looking forward to working with all of them. I’ll have more to do and once the dust settles, less on-call responsibilities (since more of us will be sharing the duties). It’s all very exciting and right up my geek alley.

Since the weather was spring like today, I decided to take the Acura out on the road and enjoy the New York State Thruway a little bit.

There’s little more enjoyable then hitting the open road at a respectable speed in the vehicle you love.

With the approach of every new year, I have traditionally formulated a list of all the things I want to change about myself. I’m going to be more outgoing. I’m going to spend less time on the computer. I’m going to lose weight. I’m going to exercise more. I’ve often thought of the new year as the perfect time to do an extreme makeover of myself, to come up with J.P. v2005 or whatever and do a complete re-imaging.

This year I have no desire to do that. It’s the first time in my adult life that I’ve felt this way.

Oh, I have things that I want to do, but I don’t feel the pressing need to correct any perceived faults or to better myself to a pre-conceived image of how I should be, rather than how I am.

Perhaps this is the first time in a long time that I’ve been happy with the way I am.

I don’t think I come off as too repulsive when I meet people face to face or interact with others. I’m no longer afraid to keep things that bother me to myself. I’m no longer afraid to joke with strangers in a public space. I’m no longer constantly measuring myself to the standard of “will they like me” or “do they think I am weird.” Yes, I am likeable and yes, I am eccentric. Big deal. Love me or leave me.

The packaging isn’t that bad either. I’m comfortable in my own skin, so I don’t feel the need to shed a ton of weight. I’m too lazy to do that anyway. I’ll probably continue to grow my beard and shave my head – I’d like to grow my beard until we vacation in May. If that makes people roll their eyes, so be it. It’s my face. And I can’t see myself with a head of hair anymore, I couldn’t even grow a full head of hair if I tried and I’ve accepted that.

I’m going to do more cycling this year. Now that I have a handle on how my on-call weeks for work actually work, I’ve figured out a good way manage recreation and work all together. Will I fall down in a rejected mess if I don’t do a lot of cycling? No, I won’t. Its for fun, no sense in beating myself up over it.

So there’s no Resolution Revolution this year. I’m just me.

Today I start a couple of days of training work. I have to drive to our other office, 50 miles away, for the next two days. Have I mentioned that I’m not a morning person? I’m sitting here staring at my laptop screen like a mindless zombie and I’m not even certain of my full given name.

I think I’ll take a nap on the way. Is it safe to zone out on long commutes?

Here it is the week between Christmas and New Year’s. The time I like to call ‘Tween. You know the drill, only half the people are working in your office so it’s sort of like a regular work week aside from the fact that the malls and big box behemoths are still packed to the brim with surly shoppers too impatient to stand in line at the return counter.

Kids are also off from school this week. They often say that the primary goal of our education system is to prepare a student for the real world, to arm them with the tools they need to survive the rest of their life. That’s why I’ve never understood why schools are closed so much. What are there, 180 days in the school year? That’s less than half a year. Half a year! I wish I could get half a year off from my job. I guess I’m jealous.

But I digress.

It’s a little bit of a challenge here at work during the ‘tween. It’s a slow time, so I try to look busy and resist the urge to go wildly surfing on the internet. You never know who, besides the U.S. Government of course (wave for the NSA man!), is monitoring your online activity, so it’s best to stay away from the porn from 9 to 5. Even that site that beckons “Jerk at work”. Not that I’ve ever been there.

Luckily the geek in me enjoys keeping up with the happenings in the technology and telecommunications community, which is inline with what I do for a living.

Back in my early days of radio as a fill-in d.j. this was a busy week for me. I would get to work as the replacement for the popular night-time slot. Sort of like Joan Rivers sitting in for Johnny Carson, though I was J.P. Marks sitting in for B.B. Good and I didn’t have any of Joan’s plastic look or sound. Listeners would enjoy the show but they preferred to hear the “real” d.j. do her thing.

Maybe I should have used the name ‘Tweener.