Ponderings and Musings

So last night after an unsuccessful attempt at going to sleep, I sat up for a couple of hours doing research on wind turbines. Inspired by our trip through the Maple Ridge Wind Farm north of us, I decided to learn all I could about the pros and cons of wind farms, their effectiveness on the environment and the benefits and detriments associated with their existence.

It’s no secret to just about anyone that we need to find a source (or sources) of clean, renewable energy. We have been hearing that song and dance since the mid 1970s when the speed limit was forced down to 55 because we were going to run out of oil by 1980. Of course, we found more oil and the speed limit went back up and people became über-dependent on fossil fuels once again. Emissions from coal burning plants and waste from nuclear facilities (amongst many other things) are nasty to the environment; harnessing the power of the wind and the sun are renewable, clean ways of providing some of the power that we need to fuel our increasingly electric-hungry society.

Here’s the thing with wind farms. There are many people in favour of them, as long as they are somewhere else. Naturally wind farms have to be located where it’s windy, after all, something needs to turn the turbines which generates the electricity that is contributed to that big grid¹ thing that we have. Unfortunately, the windier places are up on top of hills where it tends to be more scenic and people don’t like the way the turbines look as they dot these areas.

One of the concerns with the Maple Ridge Wind Farm was the chemicals used to control dust during the construction phase of the project. This is unfortunate. If you’re building an environmentally-friendly, renewable, ‘green’ energy source then you probably should do it as environmentally-friendly/’green’ as possible, yes?

Opponents of the wind farm project tout the benefits of nuclear power and how there is a substantial increase in the number of kilowatts generated per square foot used with a nuclear facility versus a wind farm. But what do we do with the nuclear waste? Burying it deep into the earth is not a solution; the “out of sight, out of mind” approach doesn’t make the problem go away. I grew up not that far from a site with three nuclear reactors and I watched the cooling tower of the third be built during my teenage years. I heard the sirens (for drills) and I read all the posters on how we were suppose to save ourselves should a catastrophe occur. Sorry, but I didn’t feel any safer knowing that I could be crammed down into the basement of my high school with 700 other students as the fireball incinerated the school above us. It just wasn’t my idea of a good time. Life comes with risk, I’ll give you that, but mass annihilation shouldn’t be one of them.

As I read more and more about the technology used and the mechanics and engineering involved with the construction of Maple Ridge, and other wind farms throughout the United States, the civil engineer in me kicked in. I have lamented before that I have a really big need to make a contribution to society to leave the world better than the way it was when I got here. While I enjoy what I do for a living now, I don’t feel that what I do really improves anything for anyone. To _maintain_ is a waste of talent, to _improve_ is where one really soars.

I sometimes wonder if I started figuring all this stuff out too late in life. I have read about folks that got a PhD at age 55 or started a completely new career after retiring from their first at 62. While I suspect that perhaps lottery winnings were involved, I can’t say that I have figured out how they did it.

Perhaps that should be the first step.

¹ Contrary to popular belief, the United States doesn’t really have a power grid, but rather a bunch of interconnected networks that are dependent on one another. If it were a true grid, then a major line failure wouldn’t bring the entire system down as it has in the past (1965, 2003, etc).

The New York State Public Commission recently announced that the planned overlay or splitting of the 315 area code, originally slated for autumn 2010, has now been pushed off until 2013. Area codes are often split or overlayed with a new area code when the number of available telephone numbers in the original area code is close to exhaustion.

Media outlets report that the change in the projected exhaustion date is due to a decline in the demand for new telephone numbers in this area, mostly due to a faltering recession and a failure to meet the projected demand for numbers.

Let’s put this into perspective. In today’s world many individuals have multiple telephone numbers; there is their traditional landline number in addition to any number of cell phones within a household, not to mention fax machines, dedicated internet circuits and the like. So with the unprecedented explosion of technology currently underway, the folks in the 315 area code are not grabbing up the numbers as quickly as originally projected.

I will say that steps have been taken to use as many possible telephone number combinations in this area as possible before embarking on the task of adding an additional area code to the area. However, if you think about it, we are not gobbling up existing numbers because industry and business is not moving into this area and as a result people are leaving the area in droves in search of employment.

To run out of available telephone numbers in 315, while an inconvenience to many, is an indicator that the area is thriving and that we can’t keep up with the demand being placed on our telecommunications infrastructure. Quite frankly (and unfortunately, predictably) the complete opposite is true. Our area is not thriving. Not as many people as originally projected want a 315 telephone number. There is no demand from new people here because there are no new people moving here.

So rest assured fine citizens that you needn’t worry about the labourious task of dialing all 10 digits because of the overlay of a new area code or you won’t have to remember that half of 315 suddenly became 938 (totally random number made up by me) and you have to remember which half you’re in, because you can squarely remain a “315er”.

Earl and I had pretty much decided that we weren’t going to go to Saranac Thursdays for the most part this summer. While the activity is enjoyable, it also chews up a Thursday night and quite a few brain cells at the same time. The supper afterwards invariably is too big and then we end up feeling lethargic the next day.

Guess where we ended up last night.

Rumour had it that a former co-worker was in town for the weekend and would be out and about so we decided to head down and join the fun. Moderation is the key. I cut my beer consumption in half (and still had whacky dreams during the night) and we cut our food consumption down at Zebb’s afterwards. Hopefully I was only half as silly and/or obnoxious.

I also got to chat with my friend Christine (another former co-worker), who is now making a go at it with an internet based business: On Location Vacations. I find this to be wicked cool. She’s writing for other sites as well; quite impressive. I have always been impressed with Christine.

Earl took a couple of photos using our friend Shirley’s camera, but I don’t know that I’ll get to see them. Apparently one of the photos made Shirley blush. I’ll see if I can convince her to share with the class.

I think we’ll end up at Saranac Thursdays again during the summer, but judging by the way I feel today I’ll probably stick to bottled water while hanging out with my friends.

All in all it was a good night with a little lesson thrown in for good measure: moderation is the key.

Once in a while I use my blog as a therapy session. Okay, maybe more than once in a while I indulge myself this way but it’s a lot cheaper than paying someone, so instead of chewing about it I invite you to sit down on the couch with me. If you’re bored with this entry (which is kind of random in it’s construct) then I invite you to use a search engine to find something more engaging. There’s plenty out there.

At nearly 41 years old you’d think that by now I have this whole life thing pretty much down pat and I’d be enjoying myself. The latter is true, I’m enjoying life very much these days but as far as life goes, I still feel like a kid that’s trying to find his groove from time to time. There will be times that I see something, anything in a person and I ponder it and perhaps try it on for a bit, incorporating whatever it was I saw in that person into my own life to see if it works for me. I think this is due to the fact that I am always looking for approval of some sort and I figure that if the original person carries that trait or whatever off successfully then I should be able to do that as well. As far as I can tell, this carries about an 80 percent success rate. I can do better.

That’s one thing that I’m always trying to do: do better. I am always looking to better myself and better my situation. I figure if you sit stagnant then quite frankly why bother living at all.

If anyone were to identify a superpower in me it would probably be mimicry. That’s how I learned my broadcasting skills in radio, I’d listen to other stations, hear how they did it and then do the same. That is how I’ve made technology decisions in the past: if program X works well on Mac Y for user Z, then it’s going to work well for me. I’ve adapted the skill to all sorts of situations: if bozo B is fired up about subject A, then there must be something to it and perhaps I should be fired up too. Though my personality trait is to be a loner and hardly a follower, this approach is exactly what I’ve been doing. It was during my drive home from Toronto this past weekend that I realised that’s what’s wrong: I’m trying to use the skills of a follower in concert with the personality traits of a loner and more importantly I’ve been doing that a lot in the past 18 to 24 months.

Once I came to this realisation, as I watched the trees go by and the black pavement pass underneath me, I felt like a great weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. It was a defining moment in my life and I have felt immensely better ever since.

When I returned to work yesterday I sat down and cheerfully went about my duties and I was more productive yesterday (and today) than I have been in weeks. My feelings on various topics ranging from politics to interpersonal relationships to money to being gay to being out to health care all suddenly felt _aligned_. I have commented before that I don’t fit in the crowd that’s looking at the big picture. I’m not looking at a particular corner, I’m not looking at a particular colour in the big picture, I’m often not even looking at the same picture that everyone else is.

I have been trying to take photographs as I brush up and improve upon my photography skills. I go to post them and become hesitant as I realise that people may find them boring. Folks take pictures of cityscapes and flowers and people and all sorts of things and the crowd oohs and aahs over the display of an amazing talent. I worry that my pictures of powerlines and road signs and lake shores and men shaving and just random moments of life are going to bore people, so I invariably end up not posting them. I enjoy them but who else would? Well, I don’t care anymore, probably just as much as I don’t care about the amount of readers I have of my blog. Don’t get me wrong, I love the fact that I have made many friends and connected with many people through my blog. I cherish my readers and value what they have to say. But am I trying to amp up readership? Nah. There’s others in _that_ big picture that are doing that.

For the first time in a long time, I feel a sense of identity. MY identity. And quite frankly, I don’t feel that I’m all that different from the happy-go-lucky guy I was five, ten or twenty years ago. But now I’m happier than before because of one simple fact.

I’m just me.

So when I get up in the morning and my mind is reviewing the things going on in my head I find myself very decisive and focused on what I want and how I’m feeling about any given topic. As the day progresses, I start to rationalise things a little bit and then I’m not as confident on my stance or decision.

That is something that I don’t like. I need to keep the early morning vibe going all day long.

Yesterday was my workforce reduction day; I took the opportunity to have lunch with my Dad, aunt and uncle at the family lumber yard. I hadn’t been up there in quite a while, it was good to see them all. Per the tradition I observed as a teenager working at the store, we had a lively discussion in the office as we ate our lunch. Yesterday’s topic was health care. We may sit on opposite sides of the aisle on a good number of topics, but we all agreed that the current health care system in the U.S. is broken at best and that the system seems to be working for no one outside of the pharmaceutical companies and their lobbyists in Washington.

Everyone still sits in the same seats that they have since the big remodel of 1987, I sat at my cousin’s seat in the corner. In the old days I would sit at my grandmother’s desk, but I thought I would change it up a little.

It is the 21st of May and I am sitting on the back patio looking at the beautiful starscape overhead. It is gorgeous out tonight; the air is warm and dry. It is perfect sleeping weather. Planes fly overhead like little specs of flashing colour amongst the abundance of stars. The sounds of the nearby Thruway echo in the still of the night.

Tomorrow afternoon begins the unofficial start of summer in these parts. There are activities planned for the weekend; hopefully the on-call pager will cooperate and allow me the luxury of participating. The only thing getting me through this on-call is that after I am done on Tuesday morning I am off-call until the latter half of July. This is a beautiful thing.

I am seriously considering sleeping in a sleeping bag on the back patio tonight. It is so perfect out here. This is why I love camping in a spot without a nearby disco beat; I can look up and enjoy the still of the night with a beautiful sky overhead. I find it all so calming.

My bachelor week has come to an end a day early and I couldn’t be happier. I have short “to do” list for the weekend; fix the battery on the Jeep, fix the lawn mower, call and/or visit my family, maybe watch planes land and take off at the local airport, practicing my airline photography in the process.

A lot of hooting and hollering has started up in the woods a bit south of here. It sounds like a bonfire in progress. Perhaps there’s an early graduation celebration going on. I hope they studied hard to get to where they are today. Or at least I hope they did the best they could.

A bunch of organised an office barbecue for tomorrow at work. More than half the office took the day off, the rest of us figured it was a good day to put the recent turmoil aside and get back to where we used to be mentally. The change of pace will be refreshing. I’m actually looking forward to work tomorrow; I haven’t said that in a while.

I have formulated new goals in my head. The challenges of life are on the path in front of me. I don’t find the feeling unpleasant.

So last night I was enjoying a pleasant conversation when the on-call cell phone rang. I tried to keep it together when this happened, because after all, I am now officially half-way through this extra-long on-call week (I get the holiday and everything!) so I did what I had to do to assemble the information I needed to tell the customer they were having a phone issue.

I called the customer to let him know that one of his phone lines was down when he started calling me every name in the book. Because I’m in a family friendly mood today I won’t even resort to the number of asterisks required to represent his potty speech but nonetheless there he was screaming at me and being a jerk. I explained the issue, he freaked out and then I apologised for calling him and hung up, because he didn’t want to be bothered.

Two minutes later the fine man called the answering service, screamed at the friendly, barely making minimum wage operator and had me paged. The operator was nearly in tears when she called. He wanted me to call back.

So I did. He proceeded to ask me why I called him back and started with the asterisks and other random symbols that would make a sailor blush. I apologised again for calling him and hung up.

This morning I let his sales representative know what had occurred last night, verbally outlining what I had already documented in the company’s database. He said that’s the way the guy is and I shouldn’t let it bother me.

Here’s the thing. It did bother me. It bothered me all night long. When I awoke this morning I wasn’t looking forward to going to work because quite frankly I had had enough.

Once upon a time I made a decision to go into radio. I wanted to program a radio station. I wanted to make it sound really good. I had no experience in the industry; all I had behind me was enthusiasm and a lot of music knowledge in my head. I bugged people and called people and made demo tapes until I got my foot in the door at a radio station. Once there, I had a pretty good career going in radio until the station I worked for was sold.

The one thing that led me to that career was motivation. I was so motivated to each that goal that I would do anything to achieve it. And I did!

I am feeling that motivation again today. I haven’t felt it in a long time, but I feel motivated to do something about the way I have been feeling lately.

So even though last night I wanted to hunt down the man that verbally berating me and make his existence really uncomfortable, today I almost want to shake his hand and thank him for spurring me in the ass to do something with my life. I work hard, and I love the group I work in, but I don’t deserve to be treated like that and I won’t be.

I am motivated again. I know what I want and I’m going to go after it. Along the way I’m going to smile and be enthusiastic. As I look at the calendar, the “Scheduled Time Off” courtesy of my company’s workforce reduction is affording me a lot of free time over the summer.

There are many adventures ahead for me and I am going to enjoy each one to it’s fullest.

Life is good and don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

So after 40 years in this body I have discovered something very important. I wear my belt facing the wrong way.

This important tidbit of information has been pointed out to me twice in the past week.

I’ll admit it right here, I never knew there was a “boy” way and a “girl” way of wearing a belt. If I look down at my stomach, the whole affair is being held up by my belt with the flappy part pointing to the right. When I unbuckle my belt I use my left hand and then pull out my business with my right hand so I can do my thing in the can.

That’s the way that feels natural to me.

Today for the first time I reversed the direction of how I wore my belt. It was the first time in 40 years that the flappy thing faced the left as I looked down at my stomach. I had to unfasten my belt with my right and pull out my business with my left hand and then my aim was all messed up and I missed the can.

I’m not one of those guys that can swing it all around with no hands, being mostly Irish and all.

So for the next 40 years I’m going to have to work out a new arrangement with unfastening my belt and handling my business. It wasn’t too long ago that I switched from wearing my watch on my right wrist to wearing it on my left.

That was much easier.