Ponderings and Musings

It is the last day of 2012.  I’m still here, the blog is still here and the world is still here. There’s a part of me that wants to ramble on about the things I learned, the people I met and the fun we had in 2012 but I’m not feeling overly rambly today. Even though it’s a workday for me, and I find it quite amusing that I am being somewhat productive, my head is already in 2013 mode and I’m looking forward to the challenges of the new year.

During a ride home from the in-laws yesterday, Earl made a comment: “which are the better years for us – the even ones or the odd ones?”  To be quite honest, I can’t remember which is which these days, partly because I have middle-age senility but also because I’m going to make 2013 a good year no matter what. Determination, coupled with a sense of relaxation (in the spirit of “what will be, will be”) is what is going to get 2013 off to a good start in my little head.

If I had to summarize 2012, I’d say that it was a learning experience. I learned a lot about people, I learned a lot about what money does to people, I learned a lot about big corporations and I learned a lot about our country. More importantly I learned a lot about myself and I like to think that I am starting 2013 a little smarter and more aware of my surroundings than where I was a year ago.

So tonight I’m going to raise my selected bottle of beer up in a toast to 2013 and welcome it with open arms. It’s going to be a hoot!

I have started watching “The Event” on Netflix while working out. I watched this show earlier in the year. Unfortunately, it lasted only one season on NBC and it doesn’t look like any other network is going to tidy up the loose ends. I reconcile the abrupt and unfinished ending by reading the comments of other fans on message boards and the like. A particular comment I read today struck a chord with me:

Are we living in a new dark age? Life is no longer about aspiring to learn more, to be better at science, to encourage diversity, to welcome challenges to our beliefs — but rather to gravitate toward the lowest common denominator. If you want an intellectual show about science fiction (as opposed to catechism) perhaps such content will eventually thrive via streaming. At present it seems the clowns are running the circus — meaning the networks are more concerned about selling a better laxative while dumbing down an already intellectually challenged audience. (How long can thinking people be entertained by reality TV? How many episodes of Cops can one watch before slipping into a coma?)

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

I sometimes wonder what the world is going to be like in ten or twenty years, especially if current trends continue. The other night I watched a woman at the mall slip on some ice and fall on her backside, simply because it was 7:30 p.m. at night, she was wearing (apparently very stylish) sunglasses and heels and she couldn’t navigate the icy, darkened parking lot because she was more concerned with looking good in her sunglasses. While she looked good, she apparently had little to no common sense. I hope she wasn’t hurt.

People don’t think anymore. Technology does a lot of thinking for them, like cars that flash a warning that it’s dark out and you have to turn on your lights. This sets up an expectation and we end up with cups that let us know that the hot coffee was just ordered is hot.

I’m not the brightest bulb in the chandelier. I’ll be the first one to admit that, but I still aspire to shine brighter and brighter each day, even as I grow older and grow more forgetful. I hope that others will continue to do the same, but thinking seems to be too hard.

It’s a lucky man that gets to wake up next to his best friend every morning. This morning I got to do just that and then the inevitable happened; I fell in love again. It happens every morning, I see the bear in bed with me and I fall in love. People think I’m crazy when I say I still see fireworks after all these years, but I do. I guess I’m just a hopeless romantic.

Sixteen years ago today, Earl and I celebrated our commitment with a ceremony on Penn’s Landing in Philadelphia. Witnessed by Rick and Helen (brother and sister-in-law), Earl and I exchanged vows and rings. While New York State granted us the right to make it all legal in 2011, Earl and I consider ourselves married as of 12/26/96. It was nice of the state to catch up to fact.

Many said it wouldn’t last, but you can’t interrupt fate, especially when you marry your bestest friend. I’m a lucky guy. I’m a happy guy.

So, like most people in the United States, Earl and I have been very busy during this holiday season. In fact, this somewhat frenetic pace has kept me from blogging on a regular basis for the past three days. This runs contrary to one of my goals for 2013, where I hope to be blogging more. Let’s see if I can reverse this trend.

Saturday we took our annual mall road trip and found ourselves in Danbury, Connecticut. This decision was influenced by wanting to meet a fellow blogger/tweeter/Facebooker and his husband, and we had a lovely lunch with Kevin (FearTheDrumMajor/drummajorkev) and Brian. Having lunch with them was liking have lunch with old friends. We are looking forward to seeing them again in 2013. Online friends that become new friends are a beautiful thing (and quite frankly, they are two very handsome men)!

After lunch and milling about Danbury Fair (where I officially completed my shopping chores), we completely lost our mind and headed downstate a bit to the Palisades Center, where the accent was thick (and somewhat grating on my nerves), parking was at a premium and so we had to scale a wall, climb over a fence and around a guide rail to get to the last available spot.

This activity earned me this…

… which was Phin and Matt’s Extraordinary Ale from the Southern Tier Brewing Company in my own stomping grounds of Lakewood, New York. Having tried some wines and such during our vacation at the beginning of the month, I’m more of a beer drinker if I’m going to drink alcohol at all and quite frankly I like a good beer. I’m developing an interest in craft beer and this beer, which was enjoyed at the Yard House in the chaos of the Palisades Center. This particular Yard House had 180 beers on tap, but I only had one. We did have a long drive home, after all.

Sunday was wrapping and cookie creation day!

Jamie and Earl did the baking, I did the inspection and taste testing. After getting through the stress of wrapping presents (which I am very bad at), it was good to relax with a cookie treat or two.

I worked yesterday. I think I was the only one working yesterday, but I was able to get things done from my home office, which is always a good thing.

Last night we had my mom, sister and nephew over for a Christmas Eve gathering. Mom and I snapped a photo with my iPhone while sitting on the couch reminiscing about Christmases of the past and present.

This morning Earl, Jamie and I woke up and did the traditional family Christmas morning thing.  It looks like Santa Bear and his Cub Elves were very busy about The Manor last night. Today we are trying on clothes, playing with some new gadgets (I am an Apple boy through and through, though sometimes I won’t admit it) and checking out our presents.

Oh! Last night Mom told us that she gave me the one gift that I really wanted and she made a donation to the Ali Forney Center. She’s a cool mom and even more so for doing that.

Family. New friends. Old Friends. All in the spirit of the holiday. It is a great way to spend Christmas. Life is good.

There are families we are all born into. If all goes well, and for the most part in my case it did, the biological bonds of our family are replaced by a bond that exceeds that biological connection. That’s what I think defines a family. But I fully believe that a family can include those that, while they don’t have that biological connection to you, they do have certainly have that stronger bond that most of us experience in a family. And it is without any hesitation or doubt that I am a lucky man to a couple of people in my life that I call family.

Last night, Earl and I, along with our friend Jeff, watched a family member graduate from college. That’s right, Jamie (or as we call him, Cub), walked across the stage as he received his Associate’s degree from Mohawk Valley Community College. Last night was the result of a lot of hard work, hard knocks, dedication, worry, stress, joy and just plain ol’ learnin’. 

After the ceremony the four of us went out for dinner and celebrated the way family and friends do.

Earl and I are very, very proud of him and are looking forward to watching our family member continue on his journey as he enters this next phase of his life. He has a plan and I have no doubt that he will fulfill his dreams. If any man defines the phrase “reach for the stars”, it’s Cub.

Jamie shows his Straight Edge pride. He was one of three that augmented his mortarboard, as shown by the “X” seen in the front row of the class, third from right.

So yesterday I was monitoring Twitter and the like and a tweet went by on my stream that said:

At first I took offense at it, because I had just written a blog entry entitled “The Mayan Prophecy“.  In fact, not only had I written a blog entry with this blasphemous title, I had also just tweeted this only a few moments before:

Now, my tweet relating Instagram and the Mayan Prophecy together was my attempt to be humorous. Apparently others found a chuckle in that little tweet because it was retweeted several times. Honestly, I don’t know if the tweet was directed at me and quite frankly, I don’t care if it was or not.

The person that sent out the first tweet has mentioned the end of the world and all of that in some recent blog entries as well and obviously the mention of things such as the Mayan myth and all that are making him cranky. Everyone has their own spin on their existence in this world and I think that’s great. The fact that we’re all unique is what makes the world go ’round. Truth be known, I’m kind of hoping something conscious shifting happens soon in our country but honestly, I doubt it will have anything to do with the end of the Mayan Long Count calendar. I also don’t think the end of the world is coming. It’s kind of fun to read these websites that talk about polar shifts and a second planet coming into orbit around the moon and the sun blowing up, but in reality, I think we are going to be on this planet for a while still so I’m not expecting anything, well, Earth Shattering, on this Winter Solstice.

That being said, I don’t know if my blog entry and my tweet had anything to do with inspiring the other person’s tweet and mundane lives and all that. I don’t know if this person still reads my blog. Many of the bloggers I have followed have all but given up on the craft, which is a shame, because in the long run I believe that a life, however mundane, deserves more than 140 character blasts of nonsense in a stream of lots of other nonsense. Taking the opportunity to sit down and write thought out entries, with complicated sentence structure and all the frivolity that comes with it, is good for my mind.

Do I think that reading about and then entertaining the thought of the end of the world makes my life mundane? No. I think that those that have a mundane life have a mundane life because they choose to have a mundane life, not because the stars wished it upon them or the moons fell out of alignment or the galactic equator happens to be running up their butt at the moment. Personally, I think that writing about fantasy or reality in whatever outlet they have available to them (including a mundane blog such as this!) is their way of breaking out of the mundane.

I am me. I am proud of being me. I am happy that I’m me and I wouldn’t want to be anyone else.

As mundane as that sounds.

So tomorrow Earl and I are going to the mall to do our holiday shopping. We try to make the Christmas shopping a fun experience by going someplace that we are not overly familiar with. It gives us a new perspective on our surroundings and we’re less apt to get hostile with people we might know in the community if we go someplace out of state or something like that. However, since I am on-call this weekend, I’m not sure that we’ll be going very far, so there’s a slight chance that we might get hostile with someone in the next city. It’s the chance you take when you’re concentrating on the spirit of the season.

I have never been one to enjoy shopping. I don’t like the hustle. I don’t like the bustle. I like going places and looking at geeky things, and I certainly like buying something shiny, but I like to do it during a snowstorm, avalanche or earthquake or other event as the stores tend to be less crowded and people tend to be less focused on being mean to one another. Only the laid back folks tend to shop during outrageous events and quite frankly I find them to be the more pleasant to be around. Besides, when salespeople are all concerned about a blizzard or an approaching tornado funnel they tend to be less intrusive into my personal space and I feel more comfortable in the store.

My father rarely stepped foot into a grocery or department store. When we went Christmas shopping for the holidays we’d always start out at Central Tractor. We might make our way to Two Guys or JM Fields afterwards. I know that he stepped foot into our local Ames only twice, and once was before it was open (so he could drop off some construction materials they had bought from the family business) and the second time was when he picked out my three-speed Huffy bike that was destined to be my birthday present.

He did find solace in B. Daltons, now that I think about it. He did enjoy reading at the book store while we made our way around the shopping center turned mall which has since been turned back into a shopping center. Maybe I should just park myself at Barnes and Noble tomorrow and find a little bit of comfort in the middle of the chaos.

‘Tis a pity the weather forecast looks relatively calm.

Earl and I have been together for over 1 1/2 decades. We have had joyous times, we’ve had sad times, we are there for each other, through thick and thin, for better or for worse and all of that stuff. We’ve been through two house purchases, built a business together, killed a business together and are able to finish each other’s sentences without an issue. However, there is one important part of our relationship that we struggle with.

We both think we know how to put lights on the Christmas tree. In fact, we each know how to do this. And the struggle is, the other one does it wrong.

This is one of the primary dangers of a marriage of two gay men. Those that dabble in the stereotypical aspects of the homosexual path have a certain eye or flair when it comes to things like decorating. There’s a really good chance that not just one but both members of the relationship have been the “designated one” for Christmas light installation whilst growing up. I know that I was the one that put up the Christmas lights outside every year. I rearranged them on a nightly basis after school. Every time my mother drove into town I asked her to pick up another 35-count set of “Merry Midget” lights. The meter on the electric pole by the driveway spun so hard the wires to the road quivered. I timed the blinking lights on the Christmas tree perfectly.

The issue is, Earl did the same thing growing up.

Imagine the conflict when we realized that while we both had the same goal with our festive lighting practices, we did it in completely opposite ways.

Earl starts at the top of tree. I start at the bottom, at the spot closest to the wall outlet.

Earl puts the tree topper on first. I shriek at such a thought.

Earl lights to use the last strand of lights to fill in random places throughout the tree that might be devoid of light. I maintain a symmetry of having the lights weave in and out in a parallel, yet suggestively random pattern.

You can just imagine the horror I felt back in 1996 when we went to decorate our first tree together and he put the star on the top first. The crabby woman that lived under our apartment had to bang on the ceiling with her cane because we were yelling so much.

I have learned to take a deep breath when it’s time for this annual practice but I refuse to give in completely. I claim ownership of the ladder and I’m not coming down until I am satisfied with the installation of the lights. As we grow older things have mellowed out a bit. What used to involve yelling and huffing and puffing has been reduced to an occasional glare and the sneaky practice of making sure the light strands remain parallel (please don’t tell him), despite his attempts to go all over the place with that last set of lights.

I did give in a little bit and ended the practice of having the Merry Midgets blink. No one accuse me of not having the holiday spirit, after all.

My grandparents on the country side of the family did a lot of traveling, especially during their retirement years. For the most part they confined their travels to the lower 48 states. Both often remarked that folks seemed “mean as hell” (as my grandfather put it) in Central New York.

I think that man was right.

I don’t know if it’s because the folks in Central New York have up to six months of snowy weather to look forward to each year or if the sun doesn’t shine enough or what, but whenever Earl and I travel elsewhere in the U.S. we always remark that people seem friendlier than they do at home. We are finding this to be very true here in the Houston area.

I just went for a walk around downtown because quite frankly, the confines of the hotel fitness center intimidates me a little bit. As I walked around at a brisk pace, about 80% of the folks nodded or said hello in my direction. People were smiling. People seemed relaxed. It feels like a friendly place here. I have to remember to let my guard down just a little bit so that I reciprocate the friendly gesture. It feels good to smile. I need to remember to do it more.

I think my country grandparents were right with their assessment of the friendliness of folks outside of our home territory. Perhaps I’ll bring some of the good nature home with me and try spreading around a bit and see if it makes a difference.