I’m sitting on our “ampitheatre”. The view looks like this:
Those two photos turned out better than expected, considering I just spun my MacBook Air around and pointed the webcam at the view. Hmmm.
Anyway, I’m out back, looking over our 2 1/2 acres, and hearing coyotes making a ruckus on the other side of the wash. This, in turn, is getting the dogs at the neighbors worked up. So there’s barking from them and a yip yip party from the coyotes. A bird to my right is making some noise as well. Lucky and Jinx are silent on the matter. They’re content in the house.
I think about these coyotes that have their yip yip party together, doing the whole ‘travel in packs’ thing. Good for them.
Today I remarked on Mastodon that I’m feeling like I don’t have a tribe. Oh, I have a wonderful family, both here at the house and back East, but outside of that, I don’t really have a lot of folks I would consider part of a tribe in these parts.
I attribute this feeling to growing older and my expectations of and approach to life changing as time passes. My politics are left of center but nowhere near the “far left”. For going out and socializing I’m content in a quiet beer and/or sports pub enjoying that sort of thing versus going to a gay bar and thump thump thumping my way through a sweaty crowd in time to a remix of a song from the ‘80s that the boys think is da bomb. I don’t vape in any flavor. I don’t identify as “queer”; in truth I identify as “fatigued”, but if I had to put a label on my sexuality, despite my Uncle Arthur like antics on my videos, I’m “more guy than gay”. I feel like mainstream entertainment like television shows has been dumbed down to Lippincott Reader K, and honestly, I have little patience for the willful ignorance that has plagued this 2020s society.
Boy I sound cranky. Small wonder I don’t have a lot of friends.
I talked to my friend Matt back east yesterday and it was so wonderful to have a conversation with him. I’m hoping to make a trip to see him some time next year. He’s the older brother I never had.
I get that I have a good life. I actually have a great life. And it’s not like I’m no longer a loner. I’m still very much a loner, I’m just a loner that wants to be around likeminded people once in a while. The digital connections are enjoyable but not a replacement. Maybe I need to talk to a therapist or something. It’d be like a paid tribe, I guess.
I attribute some of these feelings to the head cold I’ve had this week. I’ve been going to bed early and we haven’t done much of anything. Plus, the holidays are looming and for the past decade or so I haven’t really felt the excitement of the holidays. Earl has insisted we light up the Christmas decorations even though it isn’t even Thanksgiving yet.
I’m too fatigued to stand my ground so let the rest of the family have some extra holiday joy.
Maybe it’ll be contagious.
