Mr. Hypocrite.

Earl is in Ohio through tomorrow night, which means that I’m fending for myself when it comes to meals. He’s the cook of the family. He likes to cook and make wonderful meals for us. When he’s out of town, I go into “popcorn mode” where I just of survive on a tub of well oiled popcorn for supper every night. Popcorn is my favorite food, especially when dripping with butter and various fatty oils. Plus, I was raised on popcorn. My mother felt it was a necessary part of every non-breakfast meal, whether it was a bowl of soup, a hamburger, a steak or the Thanksgiving Turkey, there was a bowl of popcorn, fresh from the Radarange, next to the main dish. Come to think of it, I may have had popcorn once or twice for breakfast too. Anyways, so now I live on popcorn.

Last weekend, after a particularly satisfying food binge, we promised each other that we would eat healthy this week. I was going to go back to my vegetarian ways. We were going to be thin and trim for our trip in June. I called him this evening to remind him not to go through the McCrappys drive thru and to go to Subway instead. (Typing that sentence makes me realize how I sound frightfully close to a nagging wife… lesson learned on that one.) After all, I had a wonderful veggie delite from Subway this afternoon for lunch while I was on the road and I thought he might enjoy the same pleasure I did. Of course, I neglected to tell him that I accompanied my veggie delite sub with a large order of Tater Tots, but I was never a stickler for details.

Well for some reason I just couldn’t face another bowl of popcorn tonight, Orville Redenbocker be damned. So I drove to McCrappys and ordered up myself a double cheeseburger value meal… large. The wench in the drive thru wouldn’t super size it for me, nor would she sell me a McRib because apparently McDonalds doesn’t feel that March is a month for McRibs. They suck. Apparently McDonalds is trying to get on the “health kick” and not offering super sized meals now because of that ridiculous “you made me fat” lawsuit. I knew I was going to feel guilty about going to McDonalds before I did it, so I drove two cities away to go through there drive thru window instead of eating at the McDonalds right down the street. Apparently in my little mind, crossing city lines wipes away any guilt that one can accumulate from betraying his lover and eating at McDonalds while his lover is suffering through another Subway sub. I don’t know what makes me think I’m married to Jared. So not only did I do a disservice to my vegetarian ways by eating two cheeseburgers, I went on a 45 mile round trip to do so. Bush Lite would be proud of my extraneous oil use! Great. Now I’m a meat eater AND a republican.

I’m going to fess up with Earl during our nightly “good night” call in just a little bit. I hope he’s in the mood to go to Tom Wahl’s this weekend to kiss and make up.

*Never one to assign blame, the fast food urge can be attributed to my blog friend Thomas’ eating an entire three pound tub of potato salad in one sitting. I couldn’t find potato salad, so instead I headed to McDonalds. Its *his* fault.

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