What happened to “real TV”? I’m not referring to that farce “reality television”, no, I’m referring to real, wholesome, television programming. Earl and I flipped around the dial tonight (we have over 200 channels) looking for something to watch. We had been watching that IQ-dulling “Paradise Hotel” for the past couple of weeks, but about five minutes this evening into it I made a pact with myself – I’ll never watch the show again. Ever. It was making me nauscous. So I went and folded laundry. After that, I watched our washing machine tumble and spin. It was more entertaining. Personally, I think the government should send that steroid stackin’ freak “Toni” (yeah, she’s 29… probably for the 6th time) over to Iraq so she can beat the crap out of the enemy and get that whole thing over with. That woman, and I use the term very loosely, is a beast, has been on too many reality shows and is an absolute mess. I pray for her, because apparently she thinks her path is “The Way Of Idiocy on TV”.

What happened to go old fashioned shows like “Bewitched” or “Little House on the Prairie”, or even “Maude”? Mostly talented actors and actresses did their thing on television and it was an escape from reality. You knew that the people that were being buffoons on television were being buffoons because the script told them to. And from June to Labor Day, we watched reruns of what we had watched all year, but it was o.k., because reruns weren’t shown during the regular TV season. These reality TV shows are making me ill.

Now you’re probably saying “What a minute. Did J.P. audition for a couple of reality shows this spring?” As a matter of fact, I did. I sent in two tapes – one for Survivor 7, who never bothered to call me back (I guess they didn’t like my Wonder Woman spin into Super Survivor), and one for “Big Brother 4”. I was called back for the semi-finals of BB4, but I declined after thinking about it for a week because quite frankly, I knew it wasn’t right for me. I couldn’t take the thought of all that phoney baloney for three months. Good thing… I hear one of the house hampsters freaked out about the fact that he has genital warts and threw some kitchen chairs around. Sexy. Apparently he thought the warts wouldn’t go into the Big Brother house with him? What a freak. So you’re probably thinking that I’m being all evil because I’m not on television. Not the case. I’ve had my fifteen minutes of fame as “J.P. Marks” on Top 40 radio. I don’t need anymore fame.

Where was I? Oh yes, wholesome television. Now I’m not saying that we should have totally fake Donna Reed type situation comedies where the biggest concern is whether Dad grew a mustache or not. (Though I must admit I thought Donna Reed’s husband was very handsome in the episode that he grew his mustache.) No. That would be fantasy television. What I’m saying is keeping going, more or less, with the current television shows but only keep the good ones… The West Wing, Judging Amy, American Dreams – just show repeats of them over the summer rather than assault us with these idiotic reality TV shows. Yes, believe it or not, I said “SHOW THE RERUNS”. And forget the current crop of sitcoms. “Good Morning, Miami”? How about goodbye. Instead, come up with something creative for sitcoms. Not every gay man is a scream. Not every group of friends are that interesting. Not every office has three people that can drop one-liners about sex. And stop this “Hey, CBS is doing a show about funny dogs, so we’ll do a show about funny cats.” Be original! Be creative!

Enough about television. Earl and I have been enjoying life. We went to Kingston, ON with my father and his girlfriend and my sister on Sunday. Had a lovely boat ride and a wonderful dinner at “The Pilot House”. Saturday we saw “Pirates of The Carribean”, which was very fun. Did some plane spotting as well at Syracuse Airport.

I can’t believe that tomorrow is Wednesday already! Time is flying by. I want to get out on my bike again soon – I hope that weather cooperates sometime this week.