Spiritual Stuff.

I have been in this life for a fairly long time. Many of my ancestors checked out at this age. I’m prepared to check out when it’s my time to check out, but I feel like I have a few good years in me. The fates will tell.

The biggest impediment to my life, and I speak as the guy running the show in this life, is I have cared WAY too much of what people think of me. “I can’t do this career because I’m gay”. “I don’t have a college education so I can’t apply for this job”. “I have to sit on the sidelines because I’m not the smartest guy in the room”. “I was born on the wrong side of the tracks, so I’ll never fit in with this crowd”. “I don’t like socializing, so I won’t be able to promote myself at a random happy hour”.

I have put a lot of invisible barriers in my life’s path because I cared too much about making sure the people around me approved of me.

I’m thinking of 2025 as the year I embrace “all the flavors”. This means I turn 57 later this year and if you are able to follow along with my line of thinking, you’ll know where “I’m all the flavors” comes from. If you need a shove in the right direction, think of what you wouldn’t do to a steak in a fancy restaurant.

Not caring about seeking the approval of others, and the associated dopamine hit with the sensation, is hard for me to achieve. It’s been such an impediment in my life. I’m getting better at it, but as a person who has relied on mimicry to get through life, it’s hard to be completely who I am without getting an ‘attaboy’ from the crowd.

So what does this mean for the year of 2025 in which I embrace all the flavors? Stepping outside of my comfort zone. Speaking frankly about my spiritual beliefs. Sharing my opinion, if I feel like an opinion is warranted. It’s OK to not have an opinion. And most importantly, stating how I feel in a frank manner.

As Carol Burnett once said in an interview, “learning to accept that ‘no’ can be a complete sentence”.

Whatever remains of this life is not enough time to make up for my previous searches for approval. I’m good with that; besides, we can’t change the past. But focusing on what I can be in the future?

I’m all about that.

There has been decorating this evening. I’m feeling the holiday spirit a bit more than I was 24 hours ago.

The family time together was wonderful.

Sometimes, you just don’t have the bandwidth to read the woes of other folks as they share their life experiences on social media, especially folks you’ve never met in person. That’s OK. It’s good to be there for other people but it’s better to take care of your mental health.

You are strongest for others when you are strongest for yourself. Always take care of yourself.

On most nights I’ll go out on the roof over our garage to gather my thoughts for the day before calling it a night. This is not a “Love On A Rooftop” situation; our home has a flat roof that was originally designed to become a rooftop deck. The railings for this are in place and it’s perfectly safe to go out there, I just have to be sure I don’t put my foot through a skylight.

When I went outside I noticed we were just shy of the latest full moon. I found the lit up clouds to be absolutely mesmerizing. 

Mother Nature has such a wonderful way of being beautiful.

Last night I dreamed about a scene in the latest “Downton Abbey” movie. It was the scene where Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess of Grantham, passed with her family at her side. The role was famously played by Dame Maggie Smith.

This morning I learned that Dame Maggie Smith has passed.

A tremendous talent with a formidable presence in anything she was in, I found her fascinating. She kept much of her life private. In what I’ve seen in interviews and the like, she seemed like a delight.

She will be missed.

Here’s a clip from “The Carol Burnett Show”, with Maggie Smith as a teacher dealing with Carol’s famous “Eunice” character.