Ponderings and Musings

With the constant reminders of the impending arrival of the holidays blaring in our ears and assaulting our sight, it stands to reason that I’m feeling kind of crabby with all of this frivolity. People wonder how one can be so cranky when it’s soon to be the most wonderful time of the year. I’m going to throw my two cents out there on the subject and then you won’t need to irritate me with such mundane questions about my mood.

I was taught that a good person is thankful for what they have in their life. In the New York State educational system of the 1970s I was also reminded of how important it was to be patriotic and thankful that we live in such a wonderful country. The pilgrims made a very dangerous voyage to this new found land and through their hard work, I am lucky to be enjoying turkey as a yankee doodle dandy. I was also reminded that in case the air raid sirens go off, grab your nap carpet and get under your desk, but that’s another blog entry.

This morning I decided to see what “terrestrial radio” has to offer these days. I have limited such listening delights to the sounds of “little radio station” in the city in which I work, but even this little treasure is guilty of what is irking me so. As I jumped around the dial, I landed upon three radio stations that are playing nothing but Christmas music (and don’t start telling me it’s holiday music, because ‘O Little Town of Bethlehem’ is Christmas music). I believe today is something like the 18th of November. Said stations went to all jingle bells on the 1st.

People, it’s not that time of year yet.

Driving through the little towns along my commute I see lit up snowflakes, blinking sleigh bells and tin soldiers bolted to telephone poles.

I have recently read articles, and I’m too lazy to add a link for your perusal so you’re just going to have to trust me on this, that mention that the retailers want to move the Black Friday sales to something earlier, like the 1st of November. Perhaps it was the 4th of July. Nevertheless, they don’t feel they are getting enough holiday traffic soon enough so what the retailers want to do is extend the holiday shopping season so that they can rack in more bucks. So the Christmas message is this – skip that whole Thanksgiving thing, it’s not important. Don’t be thankful for what you have, just run out and get more, more, MORE!

I don’t like that.

You see, I’m spoiled. I know I’m spoiled. I heartily admit that I am very fortunate that we are in a comfortable financial situation but in the back of my mind I know that it can be taken away at a moment’s notice at any time. I don’t take any of it for granted; I could give it all up if I had to and most importantly, I am very thankful for what we have. There are times that I don’t seem very thankful for that which we have, both materialistically and in other ways, but by gods, don’t skip over the importance of my opportunity to sit down with family and friends and tell them how thankful I am to be part of this whole life experience with them. I learned long ago that filling your home with expensive gadgets is a fleeting joy at best and that spending the entire day under the covers with your lover, ignoring the world outside of that moment, is much more preferable. I figured out that buying your mom an expensive serving set will make her smile, but singing her a song at the piano will make her heart fill with happiness. I know that sitting down and listening to a person tell you why they’re thankful, and then reciprocating, is a precious moment.

In today’s society we are all about what we can obtain. I think we should focus more on what we can celebrate, even if it’s celebrating that we are just getting by with what we have. And by glossing over Thanksgiving Day (or as we now call it in respect to our Canadian friends and family, “American Thanksgiving”) and force feeding us the Christmas holiday earlier than intended, you’re telling us that giving thanks is not that important anymore.

For the record, our holiday shopping is already under way (online shopping allows us that luxury without being subjected to the barrage of low-fidelity Christmas wails full of static). Our plans for our yearly shopping trip have been made. We know where we are going and that will take place in November. But in contrast to the neighbors that have their flashing icicles lit, the Santa Claus that randomly inflates and deflates over a blow up baby Jesus and a lit up reindeer that flashes faster than a Studio 54 disco ball, we are going to take the time to properly decorate our house in a tasteful, respectful manner for Thanksgiving. Menus will be planned, off-the-grid moments will be celebrated and good times will be shared.

And I will be thankful that we are able to do so.

I’m really good at spending money. I’m like really good at it. I have my suspicions as to where I learned this fantastic trait of mine, but I enjoy a certain je ne sais quoi when it comes to spending money. There’s a certain amount of excitement when one finds that next goodie on the Christmas tree, decides to buy it and then feel a bit of excitement as the new found treasure is revealed.

Ironically, I don’t enjoy shopping. It makes me yawn.

While I am really good at spending money, there are times when I like to do the responsible thing and feel like I’m saving money. And I have started a plan that will save me $270 a year. $270! That’s like three tanks of gas and five gallons of milk! Just think of the things I can do with that kind of dough in this economy. Where has my new found savings come from?

I drive thru McDonalds instead of Dunkin’ Donuts now when purchasing my daily dose of unsweetened iced tea with lemon. Dunkin’ Donuts price? $2.70. McDonalds? $1.69 (and I think the cup is bigger).

I’m quite delighted with this little find. I think I’ll celebrate by buying something shiny.

This is my second time writing this blog entry. I hope it’s as good as it was the first time around. The wordpress app on the iPad blows and has convinced me to find another way of blogging.

Over the past several months I have expressed a frustration with the social networks, especially Twitter and Facebook. Back in the day when these sites were fairly new, they had an on-going cocktail party feel to them, one could engage in banter of vary intensities and on a myriad of topics and feel like they were part of something. But like any good party, word got out on how much fun we were having and the casual cocktail parties morphed into a frat party, complete with loud obnoxious people spilling crap all over the place.

One of the more frustrating elements of these social networks is the limit of 140 characters to a message. While this adds to the whole cocktail party feel, this limitation lends itself to “barking” instead of “narrating”. For example, I could bark out that “Sarah Palin is a dumb bitch whore”. While this would fit into my colorful way of prose, it doesn’t really afford me the opportunity to really engage my audience in such a proclamation nor does it give me the chance to explain why I feel this way. Throwing out a statement like that is like a hit and run at the aforementioned party, bark out a fact and then drive away. Only if I look back will I know the response.

I like to write and generally I take pride in the way I write. Participating in the 140 characters crowd didn’t really make me feel proud of my words.* However, there smart men recently reminded me that Twitter and it’s brethren are what we make of them; they are just a tool in a room of toys we have at our disposal. Using these tools wisely is easily accomplished if you recognize that fact.

I despise the “self promotion” approach to Twitter. “Come see me teach a seminar on becoming a psychic! Only $495 for 15 minutes!”. Don’t waste my time. If you’re going to reach out to the masses then do something constructive with your reach. That’s what I try to do with this blog. I don’t need to have theme days or regurgitate 60 articles lifted from other sites. I am providing a resource, yes, but it’s a window on my life and the way I see the world. If you like what you see, stick around and enjoy the conversation. Have a Dorito or some popcorn with me and let’s talk about what we see or hear in as many characters as we want.

I am back on Twitter and Facebook full time again and if I’m barking I’m telling you why I’m barking and pointing you in the direction of my noise.

Thank you for sharing life with me.

Okay, so the trial went faster than anticipated and after only 10 minutes of deliberation, the jury found the accused guilty on two counts. The defendant flipped out and started yelling during closing statements and had to be removed from the room. He was back for the verdict where he remained calm.

I stared at him for a few moments trying to get a sense of what his deal was. He stared back. It was a little unnerving. I don’t know if I’m suppose to do that, but I did.

I was impressed with the eclectic group (the way it’s suppose to be!) of jurors. Everyone asked reasonable questions and we each had a turn to speak our piece.

Serving on a jury was an amazing experience and I won’t ever dread doing my part again. I kind of look forward to it and might request a release so I can do it in four years instead of eight. I have a new appreciation for our legal system and now to sound overly dramatic, but I also have a strong sense of patriotism again.

How many times have you gone into your assigned voting place, stared at the voting machine (or whatever newfangled version they’ve settled on now) and rolled your eyes as you pulled the lever, colored in the circle or touched the screen. As a proud American I know that I have on more occasions than I want to admit. Now why are you rolling your eyes? Because you’re picking from two candidates for an important office and quite frankly, you’re forced to vote for the one that sucks less. And that doesn’t leave you with a good, patriotic feeling, now does it. I know it doesn’t for me.

George Carlin used to quip that we had sixty brands of dog food to choose from on our supermarket aisles but basically only two candidates to choose from when it came to voting for President of the United States. And there’s a really good chance that those two candidates got up there by way of lots and lots of money.

Now, let’s swing this around a little bit. Up until about 10 or 12 years ago, if your average, middle-class American family wanted to do some shopping, they have several choices of department store chains to choose from. In 1990 when I worked for the Hills Department Store chain in the small western New York city of Jamestown, we were warned that if we screwed up and got fired, we wouldn’t be able to work at any of the chain stores in Jamestown or the surrounding areas, and that included Hills, Ames, Zayre, K-mart and Jamesway. Five department stores to choose from in a city of less than 35,000 people. We had choices and it was good.

Today, I live in a city of just over 60,000 and we basically have two chains to choose from: Wal*mart and Target. Admittedly, we also have a K-mart but it’s really depressing to go into that store. I have been told by several people over the years this is because the United States is headed in this direction: big corporations bring lower prices to consumers, which ultimately is a good thing for all involved. Except it’s not. Because while we are reveling at the fact that we bought at $10.00 toaster at Wal*Mart (Always White Trash, Always) and that it won’t blow up or electrocute anyone for at least a year, the fact remains in that we are settling for two things: having our choices narrowed down and/or dictated to us and items of mediocre value at best.

Now that we are down to two choices, we have to choose the lesser of two evils when they start playing their political tricks. Our friends at Target recently donated $150,000 to an anti-gay, anti-union candidate for governor in Minnesota. There is a growing movement to boycott Target and quite frankly, the reasons they outline I believe in. But that leaves me with one other choice: Wal*Mart.  And lord knows that I don’t agree with many of Wal*Mart’s practices, including the low wages for their employees (urging them to find public assistance to compensate for their crappy benefits), their vendor lock out policies (if you don’t package it the Wal*Mart way, you’re out) and their basic sterilization of the American community where you’ll almost always find a Wal*Mart 1.2 miles outside of town, luring consumers away from whatever is left in your basic American downtown, ultimately leaving said once-thriving business district as a bunch of run-down empty buildings.

Yes, I over dramatize, but someone has to.

We are distracted from the control being taken away from the American people on a daily basis by news outlets that go on for DAYS about Dr. Laura saying the “N-word” (which, by the way, is her right though it is not something I agree with) and hourly updates on how Lindsey Lohan is doing in jail.

There are groups in the United States paying MILLIONS of dollars to prove and tell you that gays shouldn’t marry because their love isn’t valid. It isn’t natural. It isn’t real. Heterosexual people can marry eight, nine, ten or how many ever times it takes to “feel natural” but by god, my unequivocal, undeniable, “unnatural” love for Earl isn’t real.

Put these two choices on a ballot: allow gays to marry or allow them to declare themselves gay and pay only 75% of the taxes married couples pay. If we are not afforded the same rights then we shouldn’t pay the same amount of money to maintain those rights.

I have two nephews that I love dearly. And at times I feel horrible for them because this is such a screwed up world we are leaving for them. Ice chunks many times the size of Manhattan are breaking off the ice shelf, people are going around spreading messages of hate in the name of religion and people are working very hard to make everything either a black or white issue: you’re Christian or you’re not, you’re Republican or you’re a Democrat, you love your country or you down. Well I’m sorry, future generations deserve better than that, and the only way that is going to happen is if we make good choices and more importantly, we have many choices to choose from.

By the way, Saturday night we needed some dry goods that we would normally buy at Target. We skipped Target, avoided Wal*Mart and drove 30 miles round trip to go to a halfway decent K-mart.

It was the gray in a sea of black and white.

I am sitting outside in the grass during my lunch hour. The weather is picture perfect as far as I’m concerned: sunny, blue sky with puffy clouds and a pretty good breeze to keep the air fairly dry. Bill Gates once remarked that the default desktop background on Windows XP (called “Bliss”) was inspired by sitting and watching the clouds go by. It was one of his favorite activities as a kid. I have to admit that it was one of my favorite activities as a kid as well and doing it during my lunch hour today is making me feel like a kid again.

I’d show you a picture but I’m too comfortable to get up, go to the car, grab the camera and share a shot. So I’m going to keep this one just for me.

And then I’ll probably change my desktop background to the default “Bliss” when I get back to the office.

On October 13, 1996 Earl and I climbed to the top of Rocky Mountain Point in the beautiful Adirondacks. It was a cool, crisp, yet gorgeous day and though the climb was slow, the view at the top was stunning. It was that day, on that mountain, that I got down on my knee and proposed to my then boyfriend.

“Don’t ask it unless you mean it”, was his first response. The second part is history.

On December 26, 1996, overlooking the Delaware River at Penn’s Landing in Philadelphia, I placed a gold wedding band on Earl’s finger and he reciprocated by doing the same for me. The ceremony was of our own design and with little fanfare. We said the things we wanted to say to symbolize the permanent union that began with that moment.

Since 1996, our relationship has grown exponentially and in ways I never thought possible. We survived owning a business together, purchasing two houses, six cars, countless electronics and doodads and like most couples we have had many, many “ups”. We have laughed, we’ve celebrated, we’ve rejoiced and yes, we’ve had our squabbles and our tears. I can be an ass, he can be a jerk, but more importantly we are each other’s counterpart in our relationship. The one percent of “bad” (for lack of a better word) is nothing compared to the 99 percent of good.

There is one thing that remains constant in our ever-changing life, and that is love. I have gotten in the habit of saying to him in the morning, “it happened again.” He says, “What?” and then I say, “I fell in love with you again this morning.” And then we smile and embrace.

Our love for one another is fueled by never-ending trust. I trust Earl more than any other human being on the planet and this will never change. I am always honest with him and he is always honest with me. There’s no compromise in the wording of that preceding statement; it’s just a fact. Without trust in the foundation of a relationship, the rest of it is going to wobble. No trust, no dice.

It occasionally gives people pause when I mention that I am going away for a weekend without Earl or vice-versa. I might go off for a multi-day road trip where quite frankly, he would be bored to tears as I drove mile after mile of interstate and rural highway exploring towns that are really no different than any other town or looking at construction projects or even hanging out with friends by swinging from the chandeliers in another state. On the other hand, he might go to a bear run or to Vegas or to any other place with my consent where I have little interest in going. Some think this may be a sign of a change in our relationship. It’s not. It’s a symbol. It’s a symbol of the trust we have in one another.

No two relationships are alike. My city grandparents certainly had a different marriage than my country grandparents and my parents certainly didn’t emulate either of those relationships. Earl and I have our relationship. And it is glorious and magnificent and more importantly, unique to us. What we have is what we want, with no secrets or deception but with lots of trust and undying love.

And I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

I’m sitting in the car during my lunch hour. Usually I’d have the windows down but right now we have a torrential rainstorm in progress, so instead I listen to the pitter pat of the drops hitting the car.

I find the sound to be quite relaxing. I’m looking forward to a low-key, relaxing weekend. This is a good way to start.