Ponderings and Musings

Rain.

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I had hoped that I would be able to ride my bike this morning. I was eager to get out there and enjoy a nice bike ride as a way to start the day, but Mother Nature had different plans. It’s currently 40 degrees and raining quite hard. The picture doesn’t really capture how hard it’s raining but you get the general vibe in the snapshot.

The Carpenters’ “Rainy Days and Mondays” is going through my head but I’m determined to not let that deter me nor dictate my mood today.

I feel energized and ready to tackle the weak ahead. I guess I just need to stare into a sunlamp and listen to some feisty music this morning.

Confidence.

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It was about this time of year three decades ago that I received a letter from SUNY Fredonia, the college I had applied to and auditioned at with hopes of becoming a Music Teacher. I can still vividly remember the drive to the western New York college campus with my Mom and Dad to see the campus and audition in front of the folks that did that sort of thing at the music school. At the time I felt confident; for the previous five years I had been in every “select” chorus at high school, had solo parts in the school musicals, successfully completed music theory classes, had performed at other civic functions as both part of a group and as a solo vocalist and had been part of All-County and All-State choral concerts. In daily chorus classes I was asked to sit next to those that would struggle with harmony; I could “sight sing” with the best of them. My knack for finding the harmony was strong and though my range was on the low side, I had a decent range to my singing voice (bass, baritone and relatively middle tenor).

I was nervous at the audition. Going into Mason Hall at SUNY Fredonia, I came to the realization that many of the others there had private vocal tutoring as part of their repertoire. I had practiced my three selections with my high school chorus teacher and I felt comfortable, but I had never had formal singing lessons. Going into other auditions as a teenager I felt confident; when I realized that others around me for this college-entry audition had much more training than I did, my confidence was rattled.

I had to sing three songs. One had to be in something other than English. My first song was “This Nearly Was Mine” from South Pacific. I was nervous but felt I nailed it.

“Wow, you have a really pop sound to your voice.”

Next I sang something in Italian and I’m sure it sounded as close to Italian as someone with a nasally Central New York accent can muster. I wasn’t confident with this song. I didn’t know what I was singing so I probably sounded more mechanical than emotional on this song. I could have been singing about unrequited love, a beautiful sunset or a delicious pizza. I had no clue. Phonetics was the name of the game.

I don’t remember what my third song was, but without any response from the audition board to the Italian song, I felt lost.

After my three songs I had to sing by ear. The pianist, a Dr. Hartley, who very much resembled Les Nessman from “WKRP In Cincinnati”, banged out a bunch of random notes and chords and asked me to reproduce the notes. It was like a game of “Simon” but without the lights or colors. Next, I was given a piece of music, this one in French, and asked to sing it by sight. No practice. I muddled through that in a somewhat hesitant fashion.

I was then thanked for my participation. Back then in 1986, one was not given a trophy just for participation. Several weeks later I received a letter in the mail. The letter stated that I was not accepted into the music school at SUNY Fredonia. They then wished me the best of luck in my future endeavors flipping hamburgers at Burger King.

I felt rejected, dejected, hurt and confused. No one would believe that I was not accepted to the music school. My band teacher called SUNY Fredonia and got me a second audition for instrumental performance as a tuba player. It wasn’t what I wanted to really do, playing the tuba was fun but it wasn’t my musical passion, singing was my passion. We went back to Fredonia, I played a couple of songs on my tuba and I was accepted into the tuba program. Getting anywhere with my tuba was easy because there’s not that many tuba players around. By the end of the first semester I was expected to play “Flight Of The Bumble Bee” on the tuba. The tuba professor (he played tuba and was shaped like a tuba) wasn’t really that encouraging. He, like the vocal audition board, really didn’t think I had what it took to be part of the school of music at SUNY Fredonia.

After a brief stint visiting a local school to teach some junior high schoolers, I decided that the cards were stacked too far against me and I dropped out of music. My dream was shattered. My plan to become a music teacher, long enough to get experience and a solid financial footing under me so that I could perform as a vocalist in a semi-professional manner, was crushed.

That year long experience has influenced my confidence, to varying degrees, for the past 30 years. But today, at this moment, right now, I feel the need to say “fuck them”.

I found my way to a technologically based career and I have one of the best gigs imaginable. I love what I do, I love the company I work for and I love the team I work with. Honestly, it wasn’t until I started to become a private pilot that I truly found my confidence. Maybe it has something to do with finally coming to my own in my mid 40s.

The memory of my music school experience has been on my mind and typing out this blog entry has helped me resolve that nagging bit of insecurity that has been lurking in a small little corner of my brain. I don’t know where I would be today had I become a music teacher.

Honestly, I don’t really care. I’m happy right where I am.

Positivity.

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I’m sitting on the balcony of our condo at the Saratoga Springs Vacation Club Resort at Walt Disney World. We have been here a few days, we leave for home tomorrow morning. Abbreviated vacations like this are quite rejuvenating. I feel like I can once again tackle the world until our next big adventure.

Looking out from the balcony over the meticulously manicured grounds of this resort, I can’t help but wonder how some folks can be so cranky in these parts. Honestly, I can’t fully understand how people can go through life with a negative disposition. It’s happiness that should be fueling the world, not negative vibes. Society seems to be embracing all that seems dark and menacing. That’s not the way this experiment called life is suppose to work.

While waiting in line at the Magic Kingdon for the Pirates of the Caribbean attraction, two women behind us got into a small shoving match over who was suppose to be going first in the line. These two women didn’t know each other. Their heated discussion included phrases such as “I paid good money to be here” and “you need to shut up and mind your own business”. The line wasn’t exceptionally long. Disney Parks does an amazing job of maintaining impartiality in crowd control. This place is billed as The Most Magical Place On Earth.

Why can’t people just sit back, relax and enjoy some magic?

As a rabid people watcher, I’m always delighted for the opportunity to sit in a non intrusive spot watching people go about their vacation, their day, their lives. A teacher I knew long ago said, “People fascinate me. I have never met a person that didn’t impress me.” I totally get that.

Why not strive to make that impression a positive one?

Society is changing. I can’t help but notice that hostility is becoming a little more prevalent amongst the people. This bothers me because a society that becomes increasingly hostile to one another is not a society that can move forward and progress. But we are living in a time where people think nothing of being more aggressive to one another. Staking claim. Trying to get first.

Many people have said that for change to happen you need to be the change you want to see. Walk the walk. Live the life. Be an example.

Smile. Share your smile. Make the world a better place.

Age.

 

Maude and walter 1973

Doing some quick math in my head earlier today I came to the realization that on my next birthday in July I will be 48 years old. 48. I’m not having an aging crisis because quite frankly, I don’t really feel like I’m 48 years old. People that are 48 years old are adults doing adult things, and honestly, I’m still a kid at heart.

When we are growing up we think that anyone in their mid to late 40s is ancient. I remember watching the old sitcom “Maude” and thinking they were old people. In reality, Maude and Walter were 47 and 49 during the first season the show. Conrad Bain, playing Arthur, was 48. I certainly don’t feel like I’m their age. I don’t even wear flowing caftan things over a pant suit. I currently do have a mustache like Bill Macy did when we played Walter and upon further examination of the show, I have more gray in my mustache that he had in his when he was depicting a 49 year old (in real life he was 50 at the time). I feel like I’ve accomplished many things in my life and am at a comfortable place, but I certainly don’t feel like I’ve “grown up”. Heck, my parents were my age when they met my husband! Where has the time gone?

I wonder if Bea Arthur and William Macy felt like kids at heart when they played their famous roles. In reality, I suppose that is what’s most important in the long run, how we feel on the inside. As long as I continue to be who I am, try to stay reasonably fit and enjoy life to the fullest, I suppose I’ll always be a kid at heart.

Pretend Time.

I just tweeted about the beginning of “Daylight Saving Time” here in the United States. Our clocks around the house are now in sync with the annual lie of the government telling the populace that they’ll get an extra hour of sunlight if they just set their clocks forward an hour. We’ve all heard the benefits: energy savings (false), the farmers want it (really false), people are more productive (still false).

When Indiana started using Daylight Saving Time in 2005, energy use went up.

The farmers don’t really enjoy Daylight Saving Time because they’d rather be milking Bessie in the morning daylight, not in the lingering darkness of the preceding night.

The thing is, time is an erred human application to nature. Before 1883, noon represented when the sun was at its highest point in the sky on a particular day. That measurement is a pretty close representation to what our bodies are trying achieve – stay in sync with the natural rhythm of the planet and the solar system. But humans, American humans in particular, are hell bent on bending nature to their whims and trying very hard to fight the system all in the name of having “more” sunlight. There isn’t more sunlight. We are going to get the same amount of sunlight whether we state that solar noon is 11 a.m., 12 noon or 6 p.m. It’s how we use our time that matters. Perhaps if we all just slowed down a little bit, didn’t try to cram 30 hours of activities into 24 hours and stopped dinking around with the clocks, we’d be less hostile and cranky.

We need to stop pretending (thank you Séan for calling it what it is, Pretend Time).

Outside.

 Earl and I went for a walk along the Barge Canal yesterday. Even though it is still technically winter, spring is in the process of springing in these parts. It’s the first time in a long while that I can remember being able to walk along the canal trail at this time of year without having to walk on snow. It was a nice change of pace.
 
 Even though we had a very mild winter this year, I’ve still been feeling the winter blahs and cabin fever. I attribute this to my home office being in the basement. I have a small window that affords me a little bit of outside light, but for the most part it’s artificial lighting and a space heater for me while I work. I can’t complain, I’m a lucky man to be able to work from home, but working from home full-time can be a little tricky if you don’t remember to get outside once in a while. It’s not easy to get fresh air during the winter months in these parts; when snowbanks line the road, there’s not much room for the casual pedestrian. And honestly, as I get older I don’t enjoy bundling up in multiple layers in an attempt to keep warm like I used to do when I was a kid.
 
 As Earl and I walked along the canal yesterday, I was admiring the wooded area that flanked the paved pathway. As a youngster I really enjoyed spending time outside after school. We were lucky to live on ten acres of land, mostly covered with woods and I would spend a lot of time out there hiking and exploring and letting my imagination run wild with all sorts of adventurous scenarios. I had a road network mapped out in my head. I built bridges across several marshy areas. I’d watch the trains come through on the tracks that dissected the land. I’d see how far away I could detect the rumble of an oncoming train. Those woods were my playground and I think playing around in the woods as a teenager helped my maintain my sanity.
 
 One of the very few things I miss about the house that Earl and I lived in before we moved in 2003 was the 38 acres of former farmland that we had surrounding the house. We had trees and ponds and open meadows; plenty of space to roam around in if I wanted to, which I did on occasion. I mowed some paths to walk along. Like the area where I grew up, there was a railroad track that went along our old piece of property and on a couple of occasions I watched the train go by, waving to the passengers headed up into the Adirondacks.
 
 While Earl and I were out about this past weekend, I mentioned that I wanted to build a bridge across the creek the runs behind our house. I’ve been wanting to do this for a decade but never really got around to it. I’ve put it on my priority list for this year. It won’t be anything extravagant; just a couple of supporting beams with pallets put in place to provide a walking surface, but it’ll be easier to get across the stream to the other half of our property, which is a small patch of wooded area bordered by farmland.
 
 I think getting out there once in a while will help me maintain my sanity. The fresh air will do me some good.

Encryption.

The FBI has asked Apple for the ability to bypass security features on an iPhone that was used as part of the San Bernadino shooting last year. This is not the first time a government agency has asked for what is essentially a “back door” into Apple’s operating systems. This functionality is not available yet, a judge has ordered Apple to create this back door feature. Apple is refusing to comply, as described in a customer letter from Apple CEO Tim Cook.

February 16, 2016 

A Message to Our Customers

The United States government has demanded that Apple take an unprecedented step which threatens the security of our customers. We oppose this order, which has implications far beyond the legal case at hand. 

This moment calls for public discussion, and we want our customers and people around the country to understand what is at stake.

The Need for Encryption

Smartphones, led by iPhone, have become an essential part of our lives. People use them to store an incredible amount of personal information, from our private conversations to our photos, our music, our notes, our calendars and contacts, our financial information and health data, even where we have been and where we are going.

All that information needs to be protected from hackers and criminals who want to access it, steal it, and use it without our knowledge or permission. Customers expect Apple and other technology companies to do everything in our power to protect their personal information, and at Apple we are deeply committed to safeguarding their data.

Compromising the security of our personal information can ultimately put our personal safety at risk. That is why encryption has become so important to all of us.

For many years, we have used encryption to protect our customers’ personal data because we believe it’s the only way to keep their information safe. We have even put that data out of our own reach, because we believe the contents of your iPhone are none of our business.

The San Bernardino Case

We were shocked and outraged by the deadly act of terrorism in San Bernardino last December. We mourn the loss of life and want justice for all those whose lives were affected. The FBI asked us for help in the days following the attack, and we have worked hard to support the government’s efforts to solve this horrible crime. We have no sympathy for terrorists.

When the FBI has requested data that’s in our possession, we have provided it. Apple complies with valid subpoenas and search warrants, as we have in the San Bernardino case. We have also made Apple engineers available to advise the FBI, and we’ve offered our best ideas on a number of investigative options at their disposal.

We have great respect for the professionals at the FBI, and we believe their intentions are good. Up to this point, we have done everything that is both within our power and within the law to help them. But now the U.S. government has asked us for something we simply do not have, and something we consider too dangerous to create. They have asked us to build a backdoor to the iPhone.

Specifically, the FBI wants us to make a new version of the iPhone operating system, circumventing several important security features, and install it on an iPhone recovered during the investigation. In the wrong hands, this software — which does not exist today — would have the potential to unlock any iPhone in someone’s physical possession.

The FBI may use different words to describe this tool, but make no mistake: Building a version of iOS that bypasses security in this way would undeniably create a backdoor. And while the government may argue that its use would be limited to this case, there is no way to guarantee such control.

The Threat to Data Security

Some would argue that building a backdoor for just one iPhone is a simple, clean-cut solution. But it ignores both the basics of digital security and the significance of what the government is demanding in this case.

In today’s digital world, the “key” to an encrypted system is a piece of information that unlocks the data, and it is only as secure as the protections around it. Once the information is known, or a way to bypass the code is revealed, the encryption can be defeated by anyone with that knowledge.

The government suggests this tool could only be used once, on one phone. But that’s simply not true. Once created, the technique could be used over and over again, on any number of devices. In the physical world, it would be the equivalent of a master key, capable of opening hundreds of millions of locks — from restaurants and banks to stores and homes. No reasonable person would find that acceptable.

The government is asking Apple to hack our own users and undermine decades of security advancements that protect our customers — including tens of millions of American citizens — from sophisticated hackers and cybercriminals. The same engineers who built strong encryption into the iPhone to protect our users would, ironically, be ordered to weaken those protections and make our users less safe.

We can find no precedent for an American company being forced to expose its customers to a greater risk of attack. For years, cryptologists and national security experts have been warning against weakening encryption. Doing so would hurt only the well-meaning and law-abiding citizens who rely on companies like Apple to protect their data. Criminals and bad actors will still encrypt, using tools that are readily available to them.

A Dangerous Precedent

Rather than asking for legislative action through Congress, the FBI is proposing an unprecedented use of the All Writs Act of 1789 to justify an expansion of its authority.

The government would have us remove security features and add new capabilities to the operating system, allowing a passcode to be input electronically. This would make it easier to unlock an iPhone by “brute force,” trying thousands or millions of combinations with the speed of a modern computer.

The implications of the government’s demands are chilling. If the government can use the All Writs Act to make it easier to unlock your iPhone, it would have the power to reach into anyone’s device to capture their data. The government could extend this breach of privacy and demand that Apple build surveillance software to intercept your messages, access your health records or financial data, track your location, or even access your phone’s microphone or camera without your knowledge.

Opposing this order is not something we take lightly. We feel we must speak up in the face of what we see as an overreach by the U.S. government.

We are challenging the FBI’s demands with the deepest respect for American democracy and a love of our country. We believe it would be in the best interest of everyone to step back and consider the implications.

While we believe the FBI’s intentions are good, it would be wrong for the government to force us to build a backdoor into our products. And ultimately, we fear that this demand would undermine the very freedoms and liberty our government is meant to protect.

Tim Cook

Reading through the letter, you’ll notice that the government is using a law written in 1789, the All Writs Act, to justify why Apple should be forced to write the software giving anyone the ability to have a back door into an iPhone. Once back door access is written, even if it’s intended for just this single use, the software would be duplicated and eventually anyone, anywhere could theoretically have access to your now encrypted data. In today’s world of growing number of cyberattacks, this would be a very bad thing.

People have wondered why I stay with Apple products, especially because I complain about them from time to time. This is why. I believe that this demonstrates that Apple is truly committed to doing the right thing. And I applaud their efforts.

DL 2003.

    

I’m pretty sure I’ve used this blog title of “DL 2003” before, as I’m pretty sure I’ve flown this flight number before. I mentioned to Earl this morning that I know I’m becoming a seasoned airline traveler when I can pack for a trip in less than five minutes, I roll my eyes at the “gate lice” (zones 2 and 3 crowding the gate before boarding has even started) and I’m starting to repeat flight numbers.

I find it all rather exciting.

I am off to Greenville, South Carolina for the week for work. I’m looking forward to the team meetings that are scheduled for the week; I find them to be energizing and exciting. The hours are going to be rather intense, but I enjoy the challenges, my position and my career in general. I haven’t been able to say that throughout my entire life.

I’m happy that I’m arriving in Greenville the day after the latest Republican Debate. The debate was held at the Peace Center, which is across the street from the hotel I usually stay at whilst in Greenville. Rates there were higher than normal when I was booking this trip so I opted to save the company a little money and decided to stay at another hotel, though I will still be in the downtown area. Winter weather conditions are forecasted for tonight into tomorrow; I’ll get to see firsthand how the folks in the South handle the snow and ice. It should be a hoot.

I’ve been debating folks on my friends list on Facebook since the announcement of the passing of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia. Several folks have been saying things like they’re breaking out the champagne or posting lyrics to celebratory songs such as “Celebration” or “Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead”. While my ideology is nearly the polar opposite of Justice Scalia, I can’t bring myself to be in a celebratory mood over a man’s death. I’m reminded of the story of when Vivian Vance found out about the death of her television husband William Frawley. The two didn’t like each other in real life and when she found out of Mr. Frawley’s passing she barked out “Champagne for everyone!” with a gleeful tone. Having the same approach to Justice Scalia’s death seems tacky to me. While I think the United States will be better off with him off the Supreme Court, celebrating the fact that death removed him from the bench seems overly ghoulish. While the man said some hateful things and pushed for divisive legislation, I’m sure that his family is still mourning the death of their loved one. Imagine sitting at a Thanksgiving dinner, arguing with your grandfather, who believes in the polar opposite of everything you believe in and then he drops dead in the mashed potatoes. I’m sure you wouldn’t jump up and starting singing and drinking champagne and I’m pretty sure you’d be offended if some stranger walked up to your grandmother and screamed “Good riddance!” at the calling hours. While these scenarios may work in comedic scenes of a sitcom, in reality they’re callous, mean spirited and completely unnecessary. I firmly believe that we should conduct ourselves on the Internet in the same exact manner that we conduct ourselves in real life. And if you would drink champagne in the presence of Justice Scalia’s family and cheer about his death, well, I’m not sure that I want to be associated with you.

Our life on this planet is a fleeting moment of indeterminate length. To live our life to the fullest is to embrace our wisdom, grow with the Universe, share our experiences and conduct ourselves with compassion. To live to the contrary is detrimental to what I believe is the “master plan” of life.

Grid.

From time to time I look up some of my history on my blog. This usually leads me to spending some time reading old blog entries, giving me a snapshot of my feelings, thoughts and such for a particular time frame in my life. I’ve treated this blog as an online diary and it’s served me well in that purpose. I like the idea of slowing life down enough to take the time to write more than a quick and witty blurb for posting on a social media site; I’ve never cared about the numbers of views or the number of comments I’ve received here. I do enjoy comments and trading thoughts back and forth with those that choose to read what I have written. There’s never anything wrong with a well-intended debate.

One of the things that strikes me when I read the older blog entries is the degradation of what I call my “quality of personal expression” after I joined Twitter. I still had a flip phone when I joined Twitter and I used to text my updates through a text message. Banging out 140 characters back then was a bit of a chore but I circumvented the problem by keeping that first tweet simple. On 9/24/2007 at 11:09 PM I simply tweeted, “Sleeping”. My evolution(?) from a flip phone to an iPhone improved my tweeting habits. Nowadays I share quick spurts of dialog with others by banging out an abbreviated retort or other piece of frivolity with others without giving it a second thought. This, in turn, has made me more outspoken. And that’s not always an entirely good thing.

“Opinions are like assholes, everybody’s got one”, as the saying goes, and sometimes the expression of our opinion turns us into an asshole. I was recently visiting friends down south and as I look back at it, I think I might have been a little more mouthy than usual when it came to discussing politics, the economy and whether or not I, as a gay man, should be eating at Chick-Fil-A. Looking back on the weekend I decided that while I am very firm in my beliefs and I am willing to enjoy a lively debate on a given subject, there’s a certain amount of couth that one can lose when they are expressing themselves, especially when they’re used to belching out their beliefs in 140 characters or less. Sharing my life on social media such as Twitter, and living behind a Twitter handle without the burden of being face to face with whom you are debating, has resulted in me losing a bit of the sophistication that I never really grew up with but that which I long to have as part of my personality.

Perhaps living your life on social media is not as grand as the social media companies would want you to believe it to be. The key to being part of the grid is to find balance in it all. Putting the phone during dinner. Shaking a celebrity’s hand instead of trying to get a selfie. Enjoying a beautiful sunrise without posting a photo of it on Instagram. Enjoy the gift, skill and thrill of flight in an airplane without barraging your Facebook feed with posts about every nuance of the flight.

Lately I’ve been drawn to social media services that are a little more robust in their content. I’m starting to read more and getting away from the “scan for pictures” services. I’m liking Medium and I’m still using RSS feeds to aggregate content from various blogs and such. And as much as I try to step away from the service, I still enjoy Google+ much more than Facebook. With a properly curated contributor’s list on your Google+ feed, the service is wonderful. It’s a shame that it hasn’t caught on more.

The most important thing that I am realizing in 2016 is that while technology is an awesome tool, it’s not the be-all end-all for everything in the 21st century. Perhaps I’m getting a little wiser as I grow older but sometimes I just need to sit down, turn off the bits and bytes and enjoy the moment. And when I am online, I need to find robust, engaging content that feeds me instead of draining me.

I want to be a novel in this tabloid world.

Adele.

I’m not a fan of Adele’s music. I’ve been rather vocal about this (shocker), but honestly, I think part of it stems from the fact that I used to work across the cubicle hallway from a woman that played “Rolling In The Deep” incessantly for two years. She would weep. I didn’t know why and honestly I never asked because I found the whole thing unnerving.

That being said, whenever I see Adele in an interview or doing some other talk show type thing, she seems to be very down-to-Earth and a genuinely nice person. Over the weekend, I saw her “Carpool Karaoke” segment with talk show host James Cordon (didn’t know he existed until this weekend) and Adele again seemed incredibly down-to-Earth and just so damn friendly. For some reason I enjoy the way she waves her hands and such when she’s singing. She believes what she’s doing and she’s incredibly good at doing it.

And that’s what’s important.