In the interest of having family television viewing time on the couch, I have watched all four hours of “American Idol” that have been broadcast thus far this week.
These are four hours that I will never get back.
Now I am the world’s biggest armchair critic and lord knows that I definitely do not have the chops to sing up there on stage like the next Really Big Famous Person but I know good music when I hear it and I ain’t hearing it on this season of American Idol. The judges keep crowing on and on about how this season is the best season of talent thus far but I think they have to say that because they certainly don’t want the illusion of Idol slipping in any way and perhaps if they say it enough they’ll start to believe it.
There are a few things about this week’s performances that stuck out for me:
1. This Alex Lambert guy has the *exact* same hairstyle as Carol Brady. It’s not a mullet. People say it’s a mullet but I wore a mullet back when it was business-in-the-front-and-party-in-the-back time and that, my friends, is not a mullet. It’s Wessonality at it’s best.
2. The guy that butchered Kelly Clarkson’s song last night should be escorted out of the theatre immediately and given walking papers.
3. The girl with the harmonica has new teeth.
4. I really miss Paula’s “I’m not drunk or stoned, no really” shenanigans. She was entertaining. I love Ellen, but she looks terrified to be up there and she feels really out of her element.
5. Kara is no Paula either and if I was the halfway decent guy with the scruff and all that, I would be pissed if the judges tried to upstage me with their swoony antics. On the other hand, Kara’s fawning over Casey(?) is typical of record industry behavior so I shouldn’t be colored surprised.
6. The audio mix of the show is whacked out. Sometimes we can hear the vocals, sometimes we can hear the band but never all at the same time.
7. I don’t know if the acoustics are bad in the auditorium or what but barely anyone is singing on pitch. They flirt with the key they’re singing in but they dance around it quite a bit. If they were all sharp or all flat I could blame acoustics, but there’s not even consistency there (not even during a single performance) so I think that it’s just a lack of ability.
I know. I’m the world’s biggest critic and like thousands of other people I think I know it all. Earl enjoys the show so I sit and watch. The only thing I find mildly interesting is if Ryan Seacrest will look über or just mildly hot, so I guess I’ll concentrate on that.
