J.P.

It’s All In The Logo.

With Wal*Mart changing the landscape of America’s retailing forever, I can’t help but long for the good ol’ days. Back when shoppers had a choice of where they shopped. Stores where you could walk from one side to the other without the need for a Service Area. Shopping experiences where you weren’t assaulted by surly greeters trying to supplement their social security or televisions hanging from the ceiling to compliment the noise of the snot nosed brat kicking his mother in the shin.

I don’t know about anyone else, but I go to a department store to pick up things I need, well, from a department store. I don’t go to get my hair styled, I don’t go to get fitted for contacts, I don’t go to do my banking and I don’t go to the department store to get my nails done.

I go to buy clothes or laundry detergent or cat litter or shaving cream.

I blame K-mart. When they went from the big red “K” and little blue “mart” to that stupid “Big K” big block K logo thing, the former S.S. Kresge Company opened the floodgates with their inevitable failure and gave Wally World room to expand. Those Big K’s weren’t any bigger than the old K-marts. Heck, they didn’t even carry appliances like the original K-marts did! And where was the popcorn by the jewelry counter or the K-mart cafeteria in the back? Gone!

If they had done what they’re Australian counterparts did with their K-marts by just updating the logo a little bit, staying true to their original course and keeping up with the times, I bet the retailing landscape would be a little bit different today.

And I bet I could still grab some popcorn near the jewelry counter. Sears Essentials my ass. Popcorn is essential!

Business In The Front, Party In The Back.

Earl and I decided to frequent the local casino for supper tonight. I guess we were in the mood for a little people watching and whole lot of food from the buffet. I could spend hours, maybe even days, watching people as I just find the whole world so amusing. So interesting. Even the most mundane person has something to contribute this world, even if it’s just a heap of boredom.

But I have to ask, who’s idea was it to bring back the mullet? For the hair history challenged, let me briefly explain what a mullet it is. You take a perfectly good head of hair, a little on the longish side, and head down to the mall. At the mall, you seek out one of those futuristic hair emporiums, usually named something like “Fashion 2005” or “Big Fashion, Little Cents” in big Atari type lettering. You are then consulted by the hair washer girl (who has failed beauty school a handful of times), the hair drying boy and then Gregor, the big sissy with parachute pants and snappy gum. He takes your perfectly good head of hair and sort of shag/Farrah’s it in the front but shorter. Think “feathered” with not a lot of “wing” but extra poof. Then he waves the scissors over the back and doesn’t take one millimeter off the length. Voila! A mullet.

It’s all business in the front but turn around! It’s all party in the back. Bring on the Milwaukee’s Best baby.

The extra adventurous pay extra to get that party in the back permed.

Sexy.

Back to the casino.

Whilst people watching, I noticed quite a few people (mostly men and a couple of mean looking dikes) wearing mullets! Holy ’87 Camaro! What to do? At first I suspected that it’s because the casino is only five miles from a dirt race track (hot action every Sunday night), but that would be stereotyping. No, no, no.

It’s just that bad fashion sense is prevalent in these parts.

Into The Storm.

Last night Earl and I went to a local restaurant for a reuben on rye and a basket full of fries with gravy on them (my arteries have been a little too clean lately) and then hit Barnes and Noble for some browsing (and the books weren’t bad either). We had both wanted to pick up a new book to read during our vacation plus we were wasting some time before seeing “Bewitched” for the second time.

Our browsing was cut short by a flicker of the store lights and a rumble of thunder. Seems there was a BEAUTIFUL thunderstorm coming in from the west. I instantly jumped into “storm chaser” mode and Earl came along for the ride.

Usually we do the storm chasing in the Jeep, but because we were out and about, we just went ahead and did the chasing in the Acura.

Now that was an experience.

We headed west about five miles where the wind picked up considerably, the sky darkened to near midnight proportions and it rained and rained and rained and rained. It was raining so hard the wipers couldn’t keep up. Big rain drops made themselves known by pounding on the sunroof with a loud “plonk”. There were several awesome displays of lightning and the wind was blowing branches all over the place.

When Earl began to get a little nervous with the whole thing, I decided to turn around and head home. In an effort to get home quickly, I turned directly into the storm. We had to do a U-turn and backtrack due to fallen trees across the road. We were in the middle of the storm, with the wild wind and rain and dancing lightning to a thunderous beat. All that was missing was a flying cow. I was absolutely loving it!

Then I remembered all the windows were open at the house.

When we arrived home we found that while there was considerable wind and rain, nothing in the house was disturbed. The storm had cooled the house down quite a bit, but other than that, it was business as usual.

By then, the storm began to subside so we headed to the movies. Today the flowers are a little brighter and the grass is a little greener courtesy of their potent drink last night. The National Weather Service is predicting more fun tonight.

I better ready the Jeep and the camera ready!

Bewitched. In Reruns.

Earl and I celebrated my going off call for work by going to see Bewitched again tonight. I must say that I appreciate the movie much more now that I’ve seen it a second time. It’s a little confusing, but once you scratch past the surface, you see that it’s really Bewitched. Nicole and Will do a fabulous job, especially at the end of the movie.

If you haven’t gone and see it, please take an opportunity and go have some light-hearted fun.

Voice Of America.

Every Independence Day I think back to when I was the “Voice of America” for my high school. At least that’s what the Assistant Principal called me every morning. You see, I was the office geek that did announced the Pledge of Allegiance every morning and then read the morning announcements over the p.a. system. I did this at exactly 8:00:05 every school morning, exactly two seconds after homeroom officially began with the sound of the 8:00 bell. (Actually, our school bells rang three seconds after their appointed time throughout the day, but only a school clock geek like me would ever notice).

I took great pride in leading the entire school through the Pledge of Allegiance.

“Good morning, would everyone please stand for the pledge of allegiance.” (wait five seconds).

“I Pledge Allegiance, to the flag, of the United States of America
And to the Republic, for which it stands,
One nation, under God, indivisible,
With liberty and justice for all.”

“Have a fabulous Friday.”

Yes, I always added the my little zinger at the end of the pledge and the announcements. A little gay touch, I suppose.

A copy of the Pledge of Allegiance was taped to the p.a. system control board, but I never needed it. Nerves never gripped me enough to make me forget the pledge. I fully believed in the Pledge of Allegiance as a kid and I still do today. If everyone would just remember that “with liberty and justice for all” part this country would be an even happier place.

Is Anita Bryant Dead Yet?

Being faithful subscribers to DirecTV, Earl and I are delighted to see the addition of channel 263 – “LOGO” from MTV Networks. “LOGO” is the first non-subscription all-gay network.

The very first thought that came to my mind is that while I’m very excited about the existence of this channel, it’s a shame that we have to have a separate gay network. But if some of these shows were to show on mainstream television, the conversative right and all that would have an absolute hissy fit. Though they wouldn’t have the panache to call it a “hissy fit”. They’d just scream “moral values” and beat some people over the head with Bible.

One of the shows we’ve watched on LOGO this weekend is “The Evolution Will Be Televised”, which outlines gay history from the Stonewall riots in 1969 to current day. There’s commentary from gay celebrities, gay community activists, etc. I find it all very interesting, especially since I lived in Boston in the late 1980s and took part of a couple of the pride celebrations. I also had friends that were in ACT=UP. I once spat on a man that was trying to “cure” participants in a pride parade.

Anyways, one of the topics addressed in this hour long documentary is Anita Bryant’s anti-gay crusade in 1977. Being nine years old at the time, I wasn’t really all that politically or socially aware, but I do remember seeing Anita being “pied” on the evening news. I also seem to remember my mother saying that she wasn’t a very nice woman. I guess my mom was always cool that way. Anita looked harmless enough to my nine-year old eyes, but as an adult I realize what a horrid, hateful, venomous woman she was. And I will state again (as many others have before me): if anyone, gay or straight truly believes that a gay man or lesbian can be “cured” or “converted” to heterosexuality really has no idea of what they’re talking about and must have nothing less than a weak personality, low sense of self worth and a great deal to hide about themselves.

While we were watching this show, I wondered whatever happened to Anita Bryant. For some reason, I just assumed she’s passed on. But I was wrong. She’s still alive, but apparently silent on her social beliefs, thank god. Having lost her orange juice endorsement deal (due to a boycott of Florida oranges and other social pressures), she divorced her first husband and declared bankrupcy in 1997 and again in 2001. Sounds like all that hate has led her to the good life. Maybe she should shack up with Dr. Laura.

I think one of the most important things a gay man or lesbian can do in society today is just be themselves. If you’re not ashamed of yourself, you have nothing to hide. What’s the risk? People may shun you? Big deal. You didn’t want to know them anyways. If everyone would just let others live and let live and be themselves without judgment, the world would be a better place. I can even accept the views of others, however hate inspired. If they would just shut up about it.

Start of the Weekend.

I’m on call this weekend but it’s not slowing us down at all. I’m kicking back after a little evening picnic. Dad and his girlfriend Karen, my sister Jennifer and her boyfriend David, Earl’s stepbrother Rick and his girlfriend Helen and Earl and I. Great food. Great conversation and a nice cap to a beautiful day.

A great way to start kick off the long weekend!

Hold On Tight.

Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor is retiring is the big news, in case you’ve been in a box or under a rock all day. I really, really, really hope I’m wrong on this, but I don’t have a good feeling about this scenario at all.

Undoubtedly Bush Lite is going to nominate someone with his religious, “bang the public over the head with the Bible”, conservative beliefs.

I really don’t have a good feeling about this at all.

Hold on tight everyone, I think the ride is going to get a whole lot bumpier.

Stuck Song.

I hate it when I get a song stuck in my head. Especially when I have no idea what song it is, I don’t know what the lyrics really are and I think it’s been on an older Old Navy commercial. If the woman with the funky glasses was still around, I bet she would know the artist and title of this song.

I think the back up singers in this song sing “Raise A Little Glass” rather fast and over and over. There’s a lot of horns. It’s kind of R&B/soulish and it’s from the late 60s or early 70s.

That’s all I know about this song.

It’s making me crazy. I have no idea what this song is but I MUST HAVE IT. I think I’m going to spend the whole weekend listening to samples on iTunes.

Kitty Kink.

Our cat Tom has decided to become a little kinky in his old age. The other night I was sleeping peacefully, minding my own business and undoubtedly enjoying a wonderful dream. All of a sudden I felt an odd sensation under my left arm. More specifically, my left armpit.

It seems that Tom wanted a midnight snack and found that my armpit tasted of kitty caviar.

I don’t think I’ve ever heard of such a thing. Startled, I stopped him mid-lick. He was persistent, jumping over me and starting in on my right armpit. I stopped him again. He got mad and jumped off the bed. I shrugged it off, rolled over and went back to sleep.

He did the same thing this morning. Once again I scolded him and reminded him the chemicals in deoderant are not to be ingested. He gave me a stare of disinterest. I wonder what he finds so tasty about my deoderant. Or perhaps its all worn off by morning and he enjoys man sweat. I’ve met many men back in the day that enjoyed the same thing.

I couldn’t have cared too terribly much because I resisted the urge to lick my Speed Stick this morning to see what the fuss is all about.