Reruns.

This evening I had a tiny rant on Twitter about all these reality shows polluting the airwaves, cables and Internet vibes of the wire-cutters. Do we really care about reality shows that have nothing to do with reality? Mind you, this is coming from a guy who made it to the semi-finals for one of the Big Brother shows a million years ago, but at least when the gay man cried he did it because he meant it and wasn’t just following a script or something, or so we were told. Where is Bunky anyway? They wanted me to be Bunky, Jr.!

I’m digressing.

Back in my day, summer television was populated with reruns. Even though Kris Monroe was working for Charlie, during the summer you could still see Farrah Fawcett-Majors being Jill Monroe because they brought back the reruns for the summer. We didn’t see reruns during the actual television season because the length of a television season exceeded the length of your average burp, but today we don’t do that. Burp, a million dollars per episode, and back to the mans we go. That’s what the stars do.

There is a bright side to all this and it’s some of the game shows that have that family time feeling, with a fire in the fireplace, wood stacked in a strategic location on the stage and celebrities sitting on the couch playing fun games to help a couple of contestants win some cash.

It’s not “Circus of the Stars”, but they can be a hoot in this otherwise bleak television time.

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DST.

I came to the realization this morning that this week is the last week of normal time, otherwise known as “Standard Time” in the United States until mid-November. At 0200 Sunday morning, we will turn our clocks ahead an hour in the interest of “saving” daylight. Daylight Saving Time in the United States starts on Sunday, the 8th of March. Unlike the days of my youth when the shift occurred somewhere in mid-April, government officials have decided that they need to mess around with the populace by turning them into zombies while everyone adjusts to morning commutes in the dark again and children risk standing next to six foot snowbanks in the dark whilst waiting for the school bus to arrive so they get their first period class in progress long before sunrise. 

Because, you know, it’s all about “saving” daylight.

I’ve ranted and carried on in a crazy manner on numerous occasions, usually on a yearly basis, about how much I dislike Daylight Saving Time. It’s a stupid, outdated concept that provides little benefit to the populace, other than that we’ve done it for a long time so let’s just keep on doing it. It’s kind of like that story “The Lottery”, where we the population stones a woman to death because, well, that’s what they’ve always done.

If God wanted the day to be longer he would have moved the sun. It says so, right in the Bible. “And God moved the sun to positional primus, whereas the cow would graze and the chicken would croweth in happiness, for the time was abundant and the daylight was whereth it needeth be.” — Jack 1:24

I’m just getting beyond the whole SAD thing from a hellacious winter and someone decided that we need to start waking up in the dark again so that little Mildred and Finster can sit in their living rooms playing video games while the sun is shining outside.

I’ve decided that if I hear anyone make an offhanded remark about how “the day is longer” with Daylight Saving Time, I’m going to offhandedly smack them. If they call it “Daylight Savings Time” (notice the difference), I will make a guttural, growling noise that will make many around me weep and anyone that tells me that this whole useless exercise saves energy will get their foot stomped on by whatever boot or shoe I happen to wearing at the moment. 

Because after all, Daylight Saving Time is designed to make us “feel better”.

The Beard Rant.

I haven’t ranted in a while, but I recently saw on an image on Instagram that motivated me.

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“There’s a name for people without beards… women”. “There’s a place for men without beards… the lady’s room”. Ah, such humor and wit can be found in these little memes that populate the Internet. Occasionally the sounds of the guffaws are deafening.

The next time you decide to perpetuate things such as “a face without a beard belongs on a woman”, please remember this:

  • Men without beards are protecting your right to say stupid shit by serving in our military.
  • Men without beards are protecting your stupid shit by being an officer of the law or a fireman.
  • Men without beards are flying your stupid ass all over the world in airplanes.

So, by all means, please feel free to step onto Fort Drum or Fort Bragg or Quantico or Parris Island and tell the guys there that because they don’t have a beard, they are obviously not a “real man”.

And by the way, ladies are no more “less than” than men because they don’t have a beard. Someone in the world has to put up with stupid crap and quite frankly, the ladies do a fine job of it.

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Rants.

Some random rants that are going through my head today:

1. I’m starting to hear chatter on the various media outlets of who Hillary Clinton will select as her running mate for her presidential campaign. Aside from the fact that she hasn’t even officially announced any such campaign, the media apparently wants to beat down any excitement held by the average citizen of a presidential campaign that is over two years away by speculating, guessing, lying and stating that which assumed as absolute fact. In my honest opinion, the media is doing its best to expedite the decline of this country all in the name of revenue.

2. I’ve ranted about this before, but I am really getting tired of everything being dumbed down to the lowest common denominator, especially since the lowest common denominator keeps dropping. A local city government decided to protest the building of a roundabout at a busy intersection because too many motorists find roundabouts too confusing to navigate. Unfortunately I’m not completely surprised by this fact since many motorists now find parking between two lines in a parking lot to be too time consuming or too difficult. Traffic moving at a slow pace in an efficient circular motion must be mind boggling.

3. In case you’re curious about such things, I’m learning that general aviation aircraft mechanics are just as dubious in their ways as car mechanics. Our airplane has been in the shop for a required inspection for over 10 days, which is fine because making sure everything is running good is always helpful when you’re airborne. However, when someone says they’re going to call you or send you a bill or whatever, they should do it and not leave the customer hanging. Leaving the customer to second guess his schedule or whatever, all because the mechanic decided not to call you when he said he would, is just rude. I was hoping that the New American Way of “fuck the customer” would not be pervasive in the world of General Aviation, but apparently it can be.

4. Facebook is just plain shitty. Aside from the fact that you can’t sort the damn news feed into some semblance of a reasonable chronological order, there’s so much garbage polluting my news stream right now that I’m starting to dread even going on there. The problem is, more and more friends and family are starting to use Facebook as their sole contact outlet. I don’t know what’s going on with some of my friends and family unless I read about it on Facebook, which is nearly impossible to do after all of the quizzes about what toilet paper I should wipe my ass with, sage political headlines like “President Obama slapped Queen Elizabeth across the face with his Kenyan birth certificate” and “oh my god look at this, it’s a goldfish that sings the ‘Star Spangled Banner’ with bubbles in his mouth.” The ONLY thing good about Facebook is that there are people there, otherwise it’s an awful application, evil company and nothing more than a large ad whore.

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Savannah, Ga.

So this morning we left Harrisburg, Pa. and made our way down to Savannah, Ga. in around 11 hours. The drive was not unpleasant; I changed up the route a little bit and opted to try out something called “E-ZPass Express” in the Washington, D.C. area. This helped keep things interesting.

As we got closer to our hotel, we decided that we needed to get some supper. Ruby Tuesday usually has a decent salad bar so we decided on finding the nearest one. Apple consulted Siri on his iPhone 4S. I consulted Google Maps. Both agreed on the location right around the corner from our hotel. Earl used Apple Maps for navigation.

The billboard said Exit 104.

Siri said Exit 102.

We decided to get with Exit 102. I exited, turned right onto US 80 and went 1.6 miles. I was then told to turn left onto Pooler Parkway. So far so good. Once on the parkway, we were promptly told to make a U-turn. On the parkway. I found a spot and spun the car around.

Proceeding in the direction we had just arrived from, Siri loudly proclaimed that we reached our destination. We were on top of the bridge over US 80. There was no Ruby Tuesday anywhere to be found.

To illustrate, see graphic below. We start at the yellow dot. We are going to point “A”. Siri took us along the makeshift red-line.

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When we finally arrived at Ruby Tuesday, courtesy of Google Maps, I banished Apple Maps from Earl’s phone and installed Google Maps. I declared that no one in my family shall ever use Apple Maps again. Those who are smart will obey.

Apple really needs to get its act together.

Just for kicks, while relaxing in the hotel lobby, I asked Siri where Embassy Suites was located. Mind you, I was sitting in the lobby.

Siri told me that the closest Embassy Suites was quality Quality Inn Suites and was located on a road called International Blvd. 87 MILES AWAY.

Oy.

Tomorrow we shall continue the trek.

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Storms.

So The Weather Channel is already getting breathless about the snow that is expected to hit the region this weekend. They’ve named the storm and everything. Quite frankly, I think the Weather Channel is a completely assinine organization and a strong indicator of everything that is wrong with our society today. Be scared! Be afraid! Buy everything we throw at you in an advertisement! Support our advertisers! Watch for more! Be afraid! Very afraid! Boo!

I am actually looking forward to the storm. Since they’re predicting anywhere from 1/8″ to up to 24″ of snow for our area, I’m hoping that we’ll get more than that so I can go out in the Jeep and drive around, making videos and taking pictures and posting them to the Internet so I can say, “See! This is how the big boys play in the snow!”. Then I’ll laugh maniacally.

The bad part of this storm is that it’s coming up the coast and it’s going to hit New York City, which means the bloggers will get all hysterical, Rosie O’Donnell will be paralyzed with fear about the whole thing1 and the national news anchors will look sad because their limos in midtown couldn’t make it to 30 Rock in time for a martini downstairs before they had to go on camera.

We’ll be driving around in the Jeep yelling “neener neener” into a video camera.

If you’re passing through the area on the Thruway during the storm and have absolutely no idea of what to do during a “named” winter storm (who’s idiotic idea was that?), please stay home. Use the time to pack up and move to Florida. We don’t want you up here anyways. We have places to go and people to see and we’re not going to let a little snowstorm slow us down.

1 Per Twitter, apparently Rosie “panicked” when the lights went out during the Superbowl. Because she was sitting in Nyack. Get a grip.

Exhibit A.


Exhibit A
Meredith Attwell Baker, Typical Government Corporate Employee.


This woman is Exhibit “A” as to what is wrong with the direction of the United States of America. This is Meredith Attwell Baker. She is one of the five commissioners on the Federal Communications Commission that approved one of the largest corporate mergers in history, the merger of Comcast and NBC.

Ms. Baker just accepted a job with Comcast as the senior vice president of government affairs. So on the taxpayers dime, she basically helped create one of the largest media conglomerates so she would have nice, cushy job to fall into.

Nah, there’s no conflict of interest there at all. None. Nada. And if there was, you’re not suppose to notice. Just keep lapping up what these big media corporations tell you and everything will be just fine.

It’s all plusgood.

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News.

I’m officially giving up on the American news media. This morning I listened to some woman use her “very spooky and scary” newscaster voice announce that stalkers are using the iPhones of mothers to steal children. The iPhone tags the photos with your GPS coordinates and when you upload your photo to Facebook, bad men are watching and will swoop in and steal your children right on the spot. At the very worst, they know where you have been.

The spooky and scary woman failed to mention:

– any sort of statistic as to how many of these abductions have happened
– how they’re getting the phones from the Moms
– the fact that most phones and many digital cameras do this, not just the iPhone
– the fact that the feature can easily be turned off
– any viable sense of urgency as to why this is headline news

Fox News is known for it’s rampant fear mongering (except to those that swear it’s the gospel) but most other news outlets are in it for the ratings and/or pledge money, so I don’t think any of them can be trusted. It’s kind of sad, but the most unbiased reports come from outside of the country… BBC, CBC, etc. Heck, even the English version of Al Jazeera gives a more balanced view. That’s kind of sad to me.

So for the morning commute I am sticking to tech podcasts, Stars on 45 and some of the GLBT podcasts. When I snap a photo of my ride, you’ll know where I am.

Just don’t steal my iPhone.

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Family.

On the drive in this morning I took the opportunity to listen to the news. I don’t do this very often because hearing about the stupidity that is rampant in our country has a tendency to raise my blood pressure and sure enough, this little nugget of news did the trick.

The Town of Clifton Park (outside of Albany) is defining what constitutes a family in an effort to control the number of people living in a residential home. They’re trying to avoid the problem of single-family homes becoming boarding houses. They’re apparently worried about the wrong kind of urban sprawl (in their eyes). I see a veil of masked white supremacy, but then again, I can be cynical at times.

Quite frankly I hate this kind of shit.

Here’s the thing. First of all, I have the best biological family and in-laws in the world. I would not change one branch of my biological and related family tree. I love them and they love us and I am always quite grateful for that. But in addition to that which we were born and or married into, Earl and I have our own family. It might not be the traditional family unit that could be found next door to The Cleavers back in 1961 but it’s our family nonetheless and as a family unit, we are quite happy. There’s common ideals, there’s common hope and most importantly, there’s love. So if we lived in the Town of Clifton Park, we wouldn’t be able to have our family living under the same roof. Our home, which contains Earl and me, Jamie, Scott and the regular visits from Dave wouldn’t be possible, because we’re not blood related, Earl and I haven’t adopted anyone and the state of New York isn’t letting anyone of our ilk get married anytime soon. So basically, if we lived in the cranky town of Clifton Park, “do-gooders” (as my grandfather was fond of calling them) would be serving us papers, people would be picketing, Girls Scouts wouldn’t be allowed to sell us girl scout cookies (not even a box of Samoas) and then there would be lawsuits, a lack of a finely manicured landscaping around a beautiful house in ways only the gay can do and then I’d have to end the whole ordeal by firing a shotgun in the air like Ma Ingalls did when they were fighting over who was going to own Walnut Grove.

Why can’t the Town of Clifton Park just let people live and let live and not worry about defining the “family unit”. What makes a family? I’ve seen blood relations damn near kill each other. Would you want your neighbors to be the group that lives with one another in harmony, even though they’re not blood related or married, or a bunch of biologically related people who hate each other, throw knives, blow up cars and let their dogs poop in the lawn, but by god they’re blood related and/or got married in Vegas at a place where the Minister yells the vows back through the clown’s mouth at the drive thru stand?

Thought so.

Just another reason to add to my famous quote of: “Albany blows”. (I know, it’s Clifton Park, but it’s still in the general area, and if they’re going to be general, I’m going to be general).

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Rants.

I think I might have a reputation for going on a rant once in a while. I’m not sure that I enjoy this sort of reputation because I like to think that overall I’m a nice sort of guy, but once in a while something puts me in the mood to rant and rave. I’m sometimes told there are more important things to worry about and I should look at the big picture. As I have said before, I’m not even in the same art gallery looking at the same wall, let alone looking at the same picture as most, so I figure I can say what’s on my mind once in a while. I figure it’ll give folks a glimpse at my perspective.

My rants are usually associated with an OCD thing I might have going on. For example, the driver of the SUV on the other side of the parking lot has completely ignored the lines that denote a proper parking space. This makes me insane. Is this woman as haphazard in her approach to life? Does she feed her tiny kids milkshakes because after all, it’s milk? Would she like it if the woman at the beauty parlor drew her eyebrows on haphazardly, say vertically from the nose, instead of where they should be above the eye? Are her panties turned inside out? If she is this haphazard with her parking habits then she is surely just as messy with her everyday life. And if she doesn’t really care about the small details, why should we fund her basic needs with public assistance? If she doesn’t care, why should I care? I say park between the lines or being a victim of thinning the herd. We have more needy people that need the welfare cheese.

America’s fastest 3G network is sucking big time today. Is anyone as tired of the ads as I am? Is anyone a fan of the merging of giant corporations (I.e. AT&T and T-Mobile)? They push us to move our lives to the cloud and then they give us crappy service. Don’t promote it if you can’t furnish the goods. Empty promises. So many empty promises. Do we remember that the voices on our party lines (shared phone lines, not hubba hubba) sounded much clearer than what we accept as golden over our cell phones? We are settling for mediocrity. “The next version will be better with more features, but buy this version in the meantime.” I’m not buying anything. Earl just rolled his eyes.

There is a septic truck pulled up to Applebees making a really loud noise ( though it’s not a farting sound). This seems appropriate for lunch time. How about an appetizer to go with your honey wagon cocktail?

Why do young people start smoking these days? Have we raised such a stupid generation of people that they’ll go ahead and do something that they know will kill them prematurely? Perhaps it’s part of the master plan and we’ll be rid of them soon enough.

The weather guessers are predicting severe thunderstorms tonight. Because of this I plan on barbecuing under a clear sky with a mild breeze. Listen to the forecast and expect the opposite because no one really knows which side of the dice really means rain.

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