So after a busy day yesterday, Earl and I were frankly too lazy to do anything about making supper last night. So we decided to go out. Not wanting to spend a lot of money and not in the mood for anything extravagant, but still wanting a relatively healthy menu to choose from, we went to a diner that isn’t too far away. We go to this diner often, but I don’t think we had ever been there on a Monday night. We figured it wouldn’t be too busy.

It wasn’t busy at all and before we knew it, we were seated in a large booth and looking over the menu. It was kind of weird being in the place on a Monday night because it was a completely different staff; it was kind of like watching a Broadway show with all understudies or something (nothing against understudies, by the way). The energy of the diner was more subdued than usual. We figured it was the Monday vibe.

Looking around I noticed a table of older woman sitting directly behind Earl and Jamie. They looked familiar to me but I couldn’t place where I knew them from. Had I encountered them at the grocery store? At a bank, perhaps? This gave me something to ponder for a while.

The server came over and didn’t really seem interested in pleasantries. She just kind of asked what we wanted to drink and shuffled off. When she came back, Jamie asked if he could have a plain, grilled-cheese sandwich to go along with a bowl of the tomato soup he had just ordered. She kind of clucked and said, “of course we can make a plain, grilled-cheese sandwich.” Her reply felt incomplete, like it was missing the words “you idiot” at the end, but perhaps she was into word conservation. Earl asked for a hamburger. She looked at him incredulously as he continued with his order.

“Uh, how would you like the hamburger cooked?”, again, with “you idiot” silently implied. Her cluck was accompanied by an eye roll.

At this moment I decided to keep my mouth shut and tweeted my frustration instead with a vague tweet:



I placed my order, filling in all the gaps that I already knew about because I always order the same thing and the pleasant server just confirms. There was no way anyone was going to cluck or roll on my watch.

She shuffled off to do her thing and I watched her busy herself around the diner. The kitchen door would wave open far enough where I could see food assembly in progress. A few observations:

1. She doesn’t like ice scoops. She’d rather use the serving glass as a shovel. That’s a NYS Health Department no-no.
2. She doesn’t like tongs. She’d rather throw a lemon wedge in a glass of water with her hands. That’s a NYS Health Department no-no.
3. She doesn’t like tongs. She’d rather throw the a pre-made lettuce salad into the bowl with her hands and then casually wipe her nose. That’s a NYS Health Department no-no.

I wasn’t in the mood to be confrontational so I let these things go because honestly, I had observed this behavior after we had all of our food and drinks and I figured I was already going to die so I might as well have a crowd join me in the better place.

As we made our way through the meal, she stopped by once and without ever looking us in the eye, she asked if everything was ok and then shot away. No refills for you!

She stopped by the table behind Earl and Jamie before stopping by our table to give us our check. Jamie snickered as he overheard the conversation at the next table. They had decided not to tip the waitress because of her rude demeanor. And that’s when it hit me.

The ladies at the table worked at the local DMV office. They worked with the woman I had called Donut Breath!

Now, if the ladies at the DMV think the woman is rude, there is no doubt in my mind that we weren’t being overly sensitive last night. So we learned a couple of things:

1. The diner shall never be visited on a Monday night.
2. The diner probably won’t be visited in a long, long while due to the health concerns that were observed.
3. If you’re having a cantankerous time at the DMV, remember, there are places where it is worse.

I have considered calling the county health department to set up an inspection, but I don’t want bad things to happen to the diner. However, I will probably send an anonymous letter to the location to let them know what I observed.