April 1, 2013

Bewitched Remake.

Sources close to Sony/Screen Gems have confirmed the greenlight for a remake of “Bewitched”. Beyonce has signed on to star as Samantha Stephens, the famous role originated by Elizabeth Montgomery.

Dionne Warwick has signed on to play Samantha’s mother Endora. When asked for comment, Ms. Warwick simply said, “gurl, I knew all those years at the psychic network would pay off!”

Sherri Shepard has been approached to play nosy-neighbor Gladys Kravitz, however, her commitments to “The View” are preventing her from joining this reimagining of the top-rated 60s series. The source could not firm further rumors that Barbara Walters is considering releasing Sherri from her contract. In moments of senility, Ms. Walters said she could be persuaded if she was considered to play the role of Mr. Ed.

Sony expects the series to debut 4/1/14.


So today is the 1st of April. Folks on the internet are just yukking it up with their April Fools’ jokes and everyone else is suppose to laugh. It’s not a ha ha or ho ho laugh, it’s more like a bouncing jaw type laugh that’s kind of like one of the ghosts on Scooby-Doo before they’re shoved into the washing machine via the gang’s latest trap.

You can’t believe a word of news today. So far there have been stories about transparent iPhones, something called Google Nose, Kirk Cameron’s new TV series and some article about gay marriage threatening the sanctity of the tried and true institution that’s been around for millions of years. These pranksters, always a barrel of laughs.

Personally, I’m not a fan of April Fools’ Day. I don’t remember why we have such a hardy-har-har-har time on the 1st of April and quite frankly I’m too lazy and not really that invested in the subject to bother to Google it. It’s not that important to me, though I have to admit that if anything else was such a pain in my ass I’d go look it up so I guess I’m just lazy.

There have been a scant few good April Fools’ Day jokes, the best being when we told the employees of our restaurant that we had decided to close down the business the morning of 4/1/00. That was a hoot and there was no punchline! Nothing makes your jaw jump up and down like a good cry.

Years and years ago there was a radio station called KG104 that told the world that we had converted to metric time. They had ads running from sponsors and everything telling customers how to reprogram their VCRs for metric time. I thought that was kind of clever, but perhaps we did funny better in the early 90s. I mean, look at the laugh riot of “Saved By The Bell” and “Charles In Charge”.

So today, this first day of April, I sit here and stare at a computer screen trying to decipher what is real and what is not as I read through the various blogs.

Such a hoot.

Just stuff me in the washing machine and get it over with.