Earl doesn’t know this yet but we are never stepping foot in the local chain-run movie theatres again. It’s too gross.

These theatres have been around for three years or so and basically put the other big theatres out of business because they’re the only ones that have stadium seating. The popcorn sucks and they don’t show any previews on the big projection screen in the lobby because the theatre workers find it annoying, but the sound in each theatre is decent and hey, it’s basically the only modern game in town.

The problem with this theatre is the with the advertisements they show prior to the previews. Now, the ads are basically a PowerPoint presentation repeating over and over again, so sometimes you get to see the same ads multiple times before the show starts. I don’t mind the ads for the local colleges very much, especially because there’s a really cute bear in a hardhat working in a powerplant in one of them. And I’ve mentioned before that I despise the ads for Open MRIs. “Sweetheart, I must leave RIGHT NOW and get an MRI. I must GO! Watch MI:III without me, I need to have my head examined RIGHT NOW with an Open MRI!” Well now they’ve added ads for varicose vein removals.

Make me barf my buttered and lightly salted popcorn up.

I must be out of touch with reality or something, but I really don’t see the need to have some person’s nasty looking, bump covered, hairy leg plastered up on a movie screen while a doctor draws maps on it with a magic marker, followed by a bird’s eye view of some new medical gizmo that goes down through the vein and pops them out. Why? Why! Why?

Medically related advertisements shouldn’t exist and at the very least they shouldn’t be up on a movie screen in glorious technicolor. I don’t want to hear that you may get explosive bowels if you take a pill that cures acne. I don’t want to perk myself up with a happy purple pill just because it’s raining outside. And I certainly don’t want a bird’s eye view of the innards of someone’s veins while I’m trying to enjoy my popcorn, strategically balanced diet pop and Junior Mints.

So we are going to the local theatre when we stay in town to catch a movie. I don’t care if they forget to turn off the lights when the movie starts. I don’t mind the fact that the screen is in the southeast corner of the theatre and the seats point southwest.

At least I don’t have to watch anyone getting dissected before the show.