Fruit And Vegetable Pressure.

I’ve discovered why I enjoy eating out so much. It’s not that I don’t appreciate home cooked meals, because I absolutely love Earl’s cooking (and my cooking too if I do say so) and I have the poundage to prove it. No, I enjoy eating out so much because owning groceries is so stressful.

I just can’t take the pressure.

Last Friday night we went grocery shopping for the week. During the excursion, we picked up a bunch of bananas and a package of individually wrapped carrot packs, which would be perfect for lunch. The carrots were stamped with a “best if used by 10/21/2005”. The bananas were as green as the lawn, I figured they had a good 10 days before they’d get funky.

I figured wrong.

The bananas made a hasty retreat to the brown side as of Monday. I’ve had a banana everyday. I don’t like bananas that much but I can’t bear to throw them out and I can’t stand looking at them so I’m eating them even though they’ve turned their back on me.

The carrots have been yelling my name from the veggie drawer in the fridge. I’ve had carrots everyday with my lunch, regardless of what I was eating. In the mood for chocolate chip cookies? Have some carrots! Want some Doritos? Have some carrots. Thank DIETY$ that I just polished off the last pack this afternoon. So they smell like dirt. At least they’re GONE.

It’s not that I don’t like carrots or bananas, it’s just that I don’t want them everyday. But there they are, aging by the second and making me feel guilty for not consuming them before they go bad.

I won’t eat or drink anything that is one second past the date stamped on the packaging. Earl is constantly reminding me that the date is a “sell by” date, not a “rancid” date, but I don’t buy a word of it. Someone at the dairy knew that something awful was going to happen to that bottle of milk on Oct. 23 at 2:36 a.m. and no one is going to convince me otherwise. Drink it or dump it before that drop dead date. To do otherwise is too risky. It’s funny to look back and think that I when I was a kid I used to drink milk out of pail after skimming the heavy cream off the top so we didn’t get chunks on our cereal.

Our team leader at work brought two bushels of apples to share at the office this week. I think I’m going to lose my mind.

Applesauce anyone?