Gayish.

Silly.

In an attempt be happy that I was up and the ungodly hour of 6:15 this morning, I made a silly remark to Earl. He laughed a bit as I told him what I thought my porn name should be. I’ve slightly modified the porn name in my head since I told him this morning; I will provide him with the updated nomenclature this evening.

I have decided not to share this name with others until I make sure that it’s available and has Twitter availability and the like, but it will be nice to no longer be known as Hogtied Cop In Trunk. What a relief.

It is at this point of the narrative where I share a common phrase heard in our home.

“Brown chick-a brown cow.”

15 September 2011 by Gayish. 1

Date.

So last night I posted a status update on my Facebook that went something like this:

This wedding is so far outside of my comfort zone but I don’t care.

I was sitting next to Earl when I posted this. We were in the process of assembling wedding invitations and getting them ready for mailing. We talked a little bit about what I meant with this update, but I think my words may have startled some people. As usual, many of our friends and family are excited about our upcoming celebration and expressed sentiments stating this.

First of all, I still can’t put into words the amount of joy that I feel when I think about the fact that I am going to marry the man that I know is my true love. My soul mate. If anyone can put up with my shenanigans for 15 years then there must be something to this whole thing we got going on. I better get it down on paper quick before he comes to his senses.

Folks have asked about our wedding plans, so here’s how it goes. On October 13, 1996, Earl and I hiked to the top of Rocky Mountain Point in the Fulton Chain of Lakes in the Adirondacks. At the top of this mountain, I got down on my knee and asked him to marry me. Like the first time that I told him I loved him (which was romantically situated over a couple of foot long subs at a Subway restaurant), he told me that I better not say it unless I meant it. And I knew that I had never meant any words more in my life than what I was about to say whilst down on my knee.

Earl and I have decided to become legally married on Thursday, October 13, 2011, 15 years to the date after I asked him. We briefly considered doing it at the top of the mountain again, but it would have been cumbersome to hike family and friends to the top, so we are going to have a celebration in a private room at the local casino. There will be vows, we will be wearing suits and there will be a sit-down dinner for a small group of our friends and family.

I call this a celebration because Earl and I exchanged vows in a commitment ceremony back in December 26, 1996 on Penn’s Landing in Philadelphia. That’s when the rings went on. We call that our wedding. That’s when it really started for us, after a few months of practice living together and a new washer and dryer. On October 13 we’ll be signing the legal documents, stating our sentiments in carefully constructed vows and sharing with our friends and family what we did privately back in December ’96. That’s kind of cool.

I consider this whole thing to be outside of my comfort zone because I’ve never really understood the need for a big wedding affair. I have seen brides walk down aisles barely representing what they really look like; their hair is being held up by flowers, they have makeup on in places that rarely need sprucing up and they might be stumbling a little as they make their way down an aisle of glaring guests wearing anything but their normally comfortable shoes. Conversely, I’ve seem grooms scrubbed up and cleaned out like they never have been before. Scruff is wiped away, unruly mustaches have been tamed and a comb has been introduced to hair that is usually hidden under a cap. It’s surreal to me. On the other hand, I’ve been to weddings where the bridesmaids ran off with the groom and took him to another bar for three hours. I don’t know if there was a stop at a no-tell motel along the way. Weddings are downright whacky to me for many reasons, but if it makes the couple happy then who am I to judge.

I mentioned to Earl last night that I thought it was going to be a little weird to kiss him in front of friends and family. Now don’t get me wrong, we still kiss and I still love it very much after all of these years, but I’m not one for public displays of affection. I think part of it is because I come from the tail end of the gay generation when you didn’t make other people uncomfortable. I don’t like people being uncomfortable. I get uncomfortable when I see other couples kiss (gay or straight) and to compensate I usually turn away slightly. It’s not that I’m embarrassed by it, but affection is something to be savored between the folks engaging in it. It’s a special moment and I just like to keep those thing private. I took a photo of Earl years ago where he was so overjoyed to be at Disney. His expression was pure happiness. I posted the photo on Flickr but then took it down. That was our moment and something that we would savor. It shouldn’t be put up on the web for people to make comments on. To see it on a website would be out of context. Context is important. The photo was printed out and posted on our wall of photos in our home. I can explain why Earl was so happy. Now that I think this through, I’m sure those celebrating with us will be happy to see that Earl and I share affection all these years later.

Suits have been fitted and will be here in plenty of time for alterations. Hotel reservations have been made and I have made our reservations for a long weekend together as a honeymoon. On Saturday we go to the casino to do some food and cake tasting and finalize the details.

Getting married on a Thursday evening is different. Not many people do that. But the date is special. I hope folks are able to share the moment with us. While I fully believe happiness should be savored, I guess it should also be shared.

I just need to realize that I am comfortable with that.

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

24 August 2011 by Deep. Gayish. Ponderings and Musings 4

Grounded.

I just became a site project leader for a huge, company wide project at work. Right before this current lunch hour, we had our kick-off conference call. Not completely comprehending the scope of the project, I had a little silent freak-out when I found out what this project is going to entail.

Step out for lunch, and call the husbear.

He is my rock, he is my anchor, he is my voice of reason. I trust him like no other person on the face of this planet. When my head goes into overdrive, he is there to pull back on the throttle and say, “believe in yourself, you can do anything.”

He’s right. I can do anything. Especially when I’m surrounded by the people that love me. This project is going to give me the opportunity to grow professionally in ways and directions that I have never grown before. This is playing with the big boys.

It’s time to act like one.

10 June 2011 by Gayish. Geek 6

14.



Anniversary Photo., originally uploaded by iMachias.

Today Earl and I are celebrating the 14th anniversary of our commitment ceremony. It was a cold, windy day on December 26, 1996 when we stood out on Penn’s Landing, along with Rick and Helen, and said some homemade vows and exchanged our rings. There were tears, there was laughter and there was a “toot toot” from a passing boatload of Marines. Even though it was the day after Christmas, our ceremony was festive all unto itself.

And that festivity has never stopped.

Up under my picture in the right hand column of my blog it mentions that I still see fireworks when he walks into a room. That statement is still so very true. No other person in the world can make me blush and smile the way he does. When my spirit soars, it soars highest because he’s right there beside me, supporting me and loving me along the way. I may be bald and much of his red may have been replaced by grey and lord knows we have had some adventures together but what’s most important is that everything we’ve done, we’ve done together. I am truly blessed to share secrets with this man and yet we hide no secrets from each other. We finish each other’s sentences, we sometimes try to out stubborn each other but it’s all based on a strong foundation of truth and most importantly, undying devotion and love. They all said it would never last. The funny thing is, we’ve only just begun.

26 December 2010 by Gayish. 3

Coming Out.

Today is National Coming Out day. For this occasion, I include two things. The first is a video I made recently for the “It Gets Better” project on YouTube. This has already been shared on YouTube, Twitter and Facebook, but I thought today was the appropriate day to share it here.

The second is a repost of a blog entry from October 2004, when I first wrote “my story”.

Not only is today Columbus Day, (is it the real Columbus Day or is it just “observed”?), but it’s also another holiday of sorts – it’s National Coming Out Day. It’s on this day that gay men and women, regardless of age, strive to come out of the closet and announce to someone, be it the world, their family or even themselves, that they are gay. National Coming Out Day was designed as sort of a support mechanism, to let people know that they are not alone.

I don’t think National Coming Out Day was around when I “came out”. Well, I actually didn’t really come out, for the most part I didn’t really feel the need to. I guess people just assumed. After all, in high school, I ended the morning announcements with phrases like “Have a Wonderful Wednesday” or “Have a Fabulous Friday”. I mean, come on, all that was missing was the flashing pink neon light. When I lived in Massachusetts, my dear friend Donna told me that coming out was only a big deal because gay men and women made such a big deal about coming out. If it’s not a big deal to you, then it’s not a big deal to anyone else. I can sort of see the logic in that and it’s a theory that I subscribe to, though I don’t think it fits in every scenario. For example, I don’t think that a teenage boy living in the middle of the Bible belt is going to be able to drop a “That was a wonderful six hour sermon today. I really liked Maude’s punch at the church social afterwards. By the way, I’ve been sleeping with the farm hand, we both like boys, but it’s really no big deal” and not have the family get their panties in a knot. It would be wonderful is the Mother and Father then embraced the boy and welcomed the farm hand into the family, and the positive energy in me tells me that this has happened at least once in a great while, but I fear that there’s not enough of that type of support in the world.

So here it is, National Coming Out day, so I’m going to share my story. I knew my sexual orientation in my early teens. Actually, now that I think about it, I knew I liked other boys when I was in elementary school. Second grade to be exact. I always opted to be on the girls’ team when we played “shove the kids on the ground” on the playground because after all, the girls needed help (wink wink). I actually wanted to be pushed around by the boys and I wanted to wrestle them to the ground. But it wasn’t until my early teens that I knew what all this meant. I figured it was just something that all guys went through. God Bless my mother and father, they never talked to me about how these things worked so I had to figure it out myself. It wasn’t until my later teens that I figured that whatever “this” was was here to stay and I might as well just live with it. Even though I had a girlfriend at the time. Luckily, my girlfriend dumped me (guess I didn’t put out for the prom or something) and I was free to pursue my true feelings. I had a crush on a classmate named Dave, but he ended up going out with my sister. She always got the cute ones back then. Towards the end of high school I accepted the fact that I found some of my male schoolmates attractive, though I didn’t really do anything about it. When my parents dropped me off at college, I made a vow to myself. I was never going to hide who I was again and I would always allow my inner feelings to be. And boy, was I “out” in college. It’s all I ever talked about! Small wonder I failed out of school, I was too busy trying to be gay (even though I didn’t go on ANY dates!). Someone should have dumped a bucket of water on me because my pilot light was flarin’ WAY too high. So much for preconceived notions on how gay men should act. Luckily I was at a music school or else I would have been beat up a lot.

I didn’t really talk about my homosexuality with my family until Earl came along, save for my mother, my sister and my cousin Stephanie. I told my mother my first break home from college, with the usual dramatic flair, but she told me she knew all along and that she still loved me very much. I can still picture sitting in my parents’ living room having that discussion with my Mom back in 1986. My sister just knew. Perhaps it was the discussions years earlier about how cute Rick Springfield, Jack Wagner and the guys in Duran Duran were. And my cousin and I were very close and she always teased me about being gay so I finally just confirmed it. I finally calmed down a bit and ended up having one boyfriend in the year or two after college that I brought around once or twice, then a half hearted attempt at a relationship after that, but until my commitment ceremony with Earl it was just an unspoken assumption, I suppose. I just went out and did my thing and everyone worried about me. I think everyone breathed a sigh of relief when Earl and I began wearing our wedding bands after our commitment ceremony. Then it was like the closet doors just blew off their hinges, even though no words were spoken. I was in love and I was happy. And am even more so to this day.

I wish everyone had an easy path with their homosexuality, coming out and acceptance. I cringe when people say that being gay is a choice. It’s not. It’s part of who I am. Without the “gay”, I would not be the man I am today. It is just as inherent to us as eye color or left- or right-handedness.

So on this National Coming Out Day, whether you’re contemplating, talking or listening, know that there are others in similar situations. You are not alone.

 

11 October 2010 by Gayish. Why. 2

Risque.

Apple has started screening and/or removing apps for adult content on their app store for the iPhone/iPod Touch. This will also extend to the iPad when it is available.

While I’m not a huge fan of this sort of thing (Apple censoring their app offerings in this manner), I sort of get where they are coming from with this. I think Apple can easily restructure their store to age appropriate offerings and I encourage them to do so.

In the meantime, I will continue to enjoy PUMA guy from time to time.

23 February 2010 by Gayish. Geek 1

Gay.

With the New Year well underway I am proud to say that I have been working out again on a more regular basis and I’m starting to feel the results of my hard work. I don’t know if you can see any changes yet but I certainly feel better and that’s what’s most important to me.

The increase in gym time has created a little bit of a dilemna. Being a kid at heart, I was watching episodes of “Josie and the Pussycats” on my iPhone while doing cardio. I love the show and it’s probably one of my favorite cartoons of all time. Unfortunately, not that many episodes were made and I have a hard time with “Josie and the Pussycats in Outer Space” so I found myself without any episodes to watch. I decided to go campy and last night I started watching the first season of “Alice”. Tonight I watched the second episode of season one, “Alice Gets A Pass”.

I don’t remember this episode from when I was a kid.

In this episode, Alice starts to date an old college friend of Mel’s. Said friend is a pro-football player turned actor. He’s good looking in a mid 1970s way (the episode originally aired 9/29/1976) and I remember the actor from being a thug on that Wonder Woman episode with the mean flute player played by Martin Mull. He also played a football player on “I Dream of Jeannie” towards the very end of the series.

Anyways, Alice goes out with this guy a couple of times and tries really hard in a tame-1976 way to get him to get more romantic with her when he tells her something she didn’t expect: he’s gay. Her first reaction is “Are you sure you’re not just jolly?” He assures her that he’s not and that he’s really gay and he’s happy that they can be friends. The big dilemma of the episode is that Alice had asked him to take Tommy on a fishing trip and now she’s not sure if she should let Tommy go with the gay guy. Again, you can tell that it’s from the mid 1970s with some of the gay jokes and the whole “will he be inappropriate with Tommy” thing that is briefly touched upon but on the whole I think the episode was sort of groundbreaking for it’s day. I have always thought that Linda Lavin was cool with the whole gay thing, being that she got her start and continued to be in theatre and all, so in a way I’m not surprised that the subject was explored on the series but I have to admit that I was surprised that it was explored in the *second* episode of the entire show (and the first episode for Philip McKeon to play Tommy).

All in all I found the episode to make my cardio workout fly right by. Naturally the ending credits theme song is a good way to finish up, especially when you sing along with the “fa fa fa fa fa” so all in all I’m happy that I jumped onto Alice to be my next short-cardio workout series1.

It’s a shame that only season one is on iTunes. And believe it or not, whilst Linda Lavin sang nearly 10 versions of the theme song over the years, there is a specific version from the second season that I like best. I’m trying to find it but I haven’t been successfully lately. It’s buried on YouTube somewhere.

1 For longer cardio workouts, I prefer “Xena: Warrior Princess”, in case you’re wondering.

14 January 2010 by Fitness. Gayish. Geek 1

13.

As the cold breezes blew and darkness settled over the river, it was 13 years ago tonight that Earl and I, along with Rick and Helen as witnesses, exchanged our commitment vows and placed our wedding rings on each other’s fingers.

Time certainly flies when you’re having fun.

Tonight we are celebrating as most married couples do; in a hotel room near the scene of the crime, spending time with family and probably gettin’ a little nookie before the sun rises.

26 December 2009 by Gayish. 5

Grindr.

So yesterday I decided to try out the iPhone app called “Grindr”1. For those unfamiliar with the app, it uses the GPS function of the iPhone to find gay men in your proximity, obviously if they are using Grindr as well. It’s basically a hook-up or dating app done in a full 21st century way. You create a profile that includes your picture, your age and various other stats if you choose to and then it tells you who is nearby. Since I was in the mall when I started the app up, I opted to put just a face shot on my profile. I restricted my search to those ages 35 and over. My tag line read “happily partnered, just looking for friendly faces.”

There was a very nice man wearing a Santa’s hat in his profile picture 2,992 feet away from me. I told him he had a nice hat, he thanked me and said he worked at the Lindt Chocolate Shop and had just left work for the day. He liked that my profile said “friends only” as his said the same. We didn’t get to meet him face to face but he seemed nice enough.

The only other profile relatively closeby at the time belonged a guy named Matthew. I noticed his profile because he was another red-headed bear and strikingly cute. The information on his profile was sparse and he wasn’t online at the moment, but there was a link to his website. Turns out he is a avid (rabid?) Mac user (like me!2), is a bear (like me!) and is on Twitter (like me!). His website was created with iWeb, which is a good thing as far as I’m concerned. We didn’t chat or anything but I’m following him on Twitter now. If you have a picture of yourself with your Mac for all the world to see, you’re worth following on Twitter.

So while 98% of the guys using Grindr are probably using it to hook-up, find potential playmates and just trying to connect to do the nasty, I used it to just see who was nearby in just a curious exercise. I don’t know if I’ll use it regularly but it might be interesting whilst we’re traveling.

1 I used Grindr whilst sitting in the food court and that was pretty much it; I try really hard not to be obnoxious with my iPhone to others in my party.

2 I think it’s well established that I have nothing against non-Mac computer users.

6 December 2009 by Gayish. Geek 2

About J.P.

Just a guy with a husband. We’ve been together 28 years and he still makes me see fireworks on a daily basis. Hiker. Storm Chaser. Private Pilot. Tech Guy. Hackerish.

Weird? Eccentric!

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