Wonder Twin Powers, Activate!

I was cleaning up the basement this evening (after a lovely ride on my stationary bike), I came across some workout clothes, circa 1992, stored in a box. Surprisingly, these clothes have moved with me five times, but have not seen the light of day in quite a while.

First of all, I have to ask myself what the hell was I thinking. Did I think I could really go out and work up a good sweat in these things? I remember ordering the top from International Male. It was the red, white and blue top, cut much like a pirate’s shirt, complete with the laces in the front. The whole thing was extra short so my belly button peeked out. In 1992, more belly than button popped out under the thing so I didn’t really wear it much. It was suppose to make me feel energized about working out but instead it just made me feel ugly. And look like a third rate Captain America (or even a male wannabe Wonder Woman!). Where were the washboard abs that Brian Buzzini (it’s frightening that I remember the model’s name) showed under his Wonder Woman shirt? I liked to think that I was just built differently – you know the whole “fat and happy” motif where I must be absolutely hysterical. For some reason I packed it back away. Maybe cheesy chic will be in style again next decade.

By the way, if I’m going to be a superhero, I’m going to be something like Captain Marvel (Shazam) in a very snappy cape. Call me crazy – but spandex is hotter than a cotton pirate’s shirt anyday.

Anyways, then I came across the matching all-red cotton shorts. I tried them on, and they actually were kind of loose on me (yay!), but the cut was kind of weird. I don’t know why I picked red when I ordered these things, must be Brian was modeling red too. Besides, I feel much more comfortable in my black cycling shorts so I’ll stick to those.

It’s amazing how much things change in a decade. I had a flattop for a haircut. My computer was a blazing 386 and I was using the DOS version of AOL. I loved watching “Home Improvement” on Tuesday nights. My favorites song was “Happy” by Legacy of Sound. I remember spinning it over and over while I was DJ-ing. “Happy is happy is hap hap happy is what we are Happy iiiiiiiiss what we are when we’re together”. Now I find the song kind of silly. Though maybe in the right mood I’d go all breathless dance fever crazy over it again. I don’t think you’ll find me in the Brian Buzzini workout top any time soon though.

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